***

I watched Linda on the phone, her voice was so reassuring and confident, and I felt secure. A deep sense of calm flooded my body. I was making the right decision taking this next stop.

I’d thought about discussing this with Ari, but that would bring up Purim which I wasn’t ready to talk about. You think he’d buy a change of heart in me just like that? Besides, this would be good, what he wants. I sat down across from Linda, in the guest chair, and waited till she hung up.

“Can we talk a minute?” I said.

Linda smiled and gestured faux magnanimously. “At your service.”

We both chuckled. I rubbed my hands together, they’d gone cold and clammy in the moments waiting. Shifra just do it.

“Linda, you joining my team has been such a blessing.”

She smiled richly.

“You’ve brought in new clients, got other clients to sign up for more services, and have just been an overall pro.”

Linda tilted her head. “I smell a but. What’s the problem?”

“No but,” I shook my head quickly hopefully in assurance. “I was actually hoping you’d increase your hours and take on some clients exclusively.”

Linda nodded slowly.

“Sounds like something that might work. Of course I have to think of the logistics and if it’s worth it for me financially.”

“Right, of course.” I said. And even though I knew she’s given me the sensible answer, I was hoping to have a faster resolution.

“Just curious,” Linda continued, “about your motivation. Because yes, the agency is doing better, and on a good trajectory, but not so much that you need to call in additional guns yet. Unless you have some secret-project-client-something up your sleeve you want to focus on.” She winked when said that.

Linda’s sharp. Is she trying to figure out her position for the future and what’s in for her if she sticks around. I wouldn’t be giving her the answer she expects and wants.

“I’m reshuffling some priorities in my life, and I need to have more flexibility when it comes to work. And you’re amazing, so you’re an easy option to help me achieve the elusive work-life balance.”

Linda met my eye, appraising me.

“Right,” she said finally. “I guess I’ll let you know soon enough.”

“Thanks.” I flashed her a smile. Was I too vague, did I flatter her enough, but not obsequiously so she’ll believe me? I placed my palms down on her desk and used that as mock support to stand. I left to the coffee station, instead of my desk nearby, to give each of us space to think about our conversation without having to consider the other.

I took a hot cup and put a Nespresso pod in the machine, my toes twitched in my shoes while waiting for the machine to finish whirring and dispensing my coffee. Did Linda think I was weak? Everyone talks about work-life balance, but I don’t know if I’ve ever respected someone who gave up on work for the life part of the equation. The machine went silent. I took the cup and blew on it. This is for you Ari, I messaged telepathically.

***

“Meat pizza!” Ari said when I took it out of the oven. “Are you trying kill me again, what did I do? Can’t we just talk about it like adults?”

I laughed, but not entirely.

“There’s no egg,” I said as I slid the meat pizza onto the trivet. Ari’s turn to laugh. We ate supper easily. As I cleared the table, Ari took out his laptop, couldn’t he wait till I put away the tablecloth?

“I think I worked out the bugs for the styling app, wanna see?”

Oh, he’s just excited and eager to show me. I felt bad at my internal annoyance. I wiped my hands in a towel and walked back to the table.

“I put in the same parameters it messed up last time, these are the results. Tell me if it makes sense.”

It was for an out-of-town wedding in a cream dress, I remembered. Elegant gold-plated posts with three gold rods in descending lengths popped up. Perfect. Beautiful, classy, understated.

“Bingo,” I said. Ari looked at me, a smile dancing in his eyes.

“Really?” he asked seriously.

“Really.”

“Whoo-hoo!” He jumped up and did a little jig. “Can we do a sample test run, send it to bunch of gemach frequent fliers, see what they think?”

I paused a second considering, then I shrugged easily.

“Yeah, sure.”

Ari did another jig.

“Let me just see if I can access my e-mail list from your computer.” I pressed around, working from two different Gmail accounts, until I got the list that looked right.

“Here,” I told Ari, “You can just attach the link or whatever.”

Ari leaned over the keyboard and did his magic.

“This’ll scan the e-mail address for communication and recommend jewelry based on key words they used.”

“You are too cool.”

“That I am,” Ari said, though he blushed furiously, as if he couldn’t believe I believed it. “I’ll give you the honors,” he said, pointing to the send button. I pressed it after a pregnant pause. A thrill shivered through me, and I didn’t know if it was anticipation or dread.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 640)