| tastes like shabbos |

Shabbos with Bayla Katzman

By Family Table Readers | February 13, 2024

Styling and photography by Sina Mizrahi
Food prep by Kayla Miller

Bayla Katzman

Toronto, ON

Shabbos. Just the word itself brings waves of nostalgia for the beautiful Shabbosos of my childhood. I can smell my mother’s delicious chicken soup, and I chuckle as I remember how my father would get all fired up over the latest politics — but of course he would focus on how it fit in with the parshah and how the bottom line is that Hashem runs the world. My siblings and I sat around the table and listened, debating, laughing, and teasing each other. And of course, we finished the meal with the chocolate cake staple that was Shabbos dessert for at least 15 years of my life. We never left the table to go and play. There wasn’t anywhere that we would rather be!

Fast-forward 17 years. It’s the dream of every Yiddishe mama. What could be a better zechus for me than to prepare Shabbos for my precious family? Except that I’m finding this gem called Shabbos to be a project that I have not quite perfected! Seventeen years into making Shabbos every week, I’m still engrossed in getting it right each week and trying to attain that serene atmosphere I remember from my youth. Yes, my family is larger than the one I grew up in, and the boy species dominates our table, so the challenges are definitely there! But I’m determined to give my kids the same cozy and tranquil feeling that I associate with Shabbos.

I learned once that when there’s so much potential for ruchniyus, that’s when the satan will do whatever it takes to rob us of the goodness and treasure that he knows we can acquire. How true with Shabbos — the makor habrachah! This gem is so precious, and I want to access this much-needed brachah in my home. That’s why I feel so passionate about figuring out solutions to the challenges and making Shabbos so special.

Early Does It

I’m a pretty last-minute, spontaneous person. So having that pristine house that’s ready 45 minutes before candlelighting is so hard for me! Yet I want it so badly. I’ve been striving to be ready for Shabbos early for so long, and I haven’t had much luck. After the war in Israel began, and there was a movement to take in Shabbos 10 minutes before the zeman, I made a resolve that I’ll finally get this right. And I’ve almost always been successful being ready early this year.

Here are a few things that are really working for me:

No appliances can be taken out on Friday. I try to cook all my food on Thursday, but even if I don’t complete everything, it makes a huge difference that I’m finished with the food processor, Bosch, and mixer on Thursday.

I took a good hard look at what I’m so busy with in the hour before I light. If I can have that done early, then there won’t be a last-minute rush! So approximately one hour before Shabbos, I set up my soup on the blech, I put all the food into the warming drawer, I take out the garbage, and I empty the dishwasher. (That’s a kid job, by the way!) This makes a huge difference for me.

Whatever jobs can be done early get done on Thursday. For example, setting the table and cleaning the playroom. These are things my kids do. They gave me some pushback in the beginning, but now they’ve gotten used to it. (Yes! Don’t give in to your kids’ stubbornness and tears when you’re trying to change something! Stay strong — it’s so worth it!) The beauty is that now that we’re ready early, my husband learns hilchos Shabbos with whoever is interested before I bentsch licht. It sets such a special atmosphere in the home! (Obviously he also has to be ready early now too! As you can see, this is a real family project!) Then the kids get an Erev Shabbos doughnut, which is a real highlight. They’re all ready for Shabbos, and they have each helped out in their own way — they truly deserve it!

Keeping It Fun

I love when my kids are involved in Shabbos prep. Everyone does one food prep and one cleaning prep for Shabbos. I let them choose what they want to do in the kitchen. It’s such a highlight when I turn up the music Thursday night and I set up the stations — one is peeling and chopping cucumbers for the cucumber salad, one is rolling up deli roll, another is frying schnitzel, and another is mixing the challah dough (it’s great for the high sensory kids!). And sometimes, we’re actually all schmoozing and laughing…. These moments warm my heart as a mom!

I listen to my friends say that they make such simple Shabbos food…. Shabbos is their break! Oh boy, those days are long gone over here! Changing up and alternating the food is what keeps my kids at the Shabbos table! Sometimes we’re into fried finger foods, and sometimes we go all out with dips…. Whenever there’s a siyum, we celebrate by having a special food for Shabbos. For the younger ones, it’s a cake or cookies (we either make something together or buy a special cake from the bakery), and for the older kids it’s a special main dish or appetizer. (At that point, finishing a perek does not qualify for a siyum! They need more bang for the buck!)

Desserts are always fun to change up also. Whoever stays at the table for the whole seudah gets dessert! I really go all out. I make a warm, yummy dessert for long Friday nights. These days we’re also into chocolate-covered fruit (disclaimer — chocolate is not calorie free just because it’s on fruit), and I like to include candy and popcorn afterward. This type of munching prompts discussion and schmoozing at the table.

The Real Stuff

And now for the actual Shabbos seudah. I have newfound respect for my kids’ rebbeim and teachers when I see my husband turn into a Pirchei leader (and I — his assistant) trying to lead an engaging table with all the different ages and stages. (That’s why it’s harder than the rebbe job, right?!) Here are some things that we’ve come up with over the years. (Although this is a constantly changing reality. We hit on a good idea that lasts for a little while…but I’m always on the lookout for new things on how to keep kids at a Shabbos table!)

There’s a great resource called Stories to Inspire — you can sign up to receive stories delivered to your inbox or WhatsApp daily. My husband listens to them and chooses one story to share at the Shabbos table every week. My kids love it. Which kids don’t love a story? Every week they can be assured that Daddy will keep them spellbound with an incredible story.

Instead of going through my six-year-old’s parshah questions or my four-year-old’s arts-and-crafts (while everyone else finds something more exciting to do… away from the table), we do one age-appropriate parshah question for each kid. (Sometimes my husband will make teams for the questions and turn it into a bit of a competition.) This also takes some preparation because it’s not a piece of cake preparing an appropriate question for the teenagers. They know more than their parents do these days! But the groundwork is what it’s all about, right?

(By the way, I do this prep sometimes for my husband… He doesn’t always have time! There’s Chinuch.org and other resources online to help.)

Zemiros — my older daughter hands out candy to the kids who are singing. Boy, do they belt it out the minute those sweets grace our table!

I find Kiddush to be the most challenging. When the tone is so ripe for kedushah and we are all standing around the table, often a fight will break out — or a game of tag around the table! Instead of “nu nu-ing” or shushkening and snapping my fingers at the kids, I started just closing my eyes, ignoring the state of affairs, and just focusing on the words of Kiddush. The moment passes, and we move on with the seudah. (The kids who are quiet during Kiddush get extra wine afterwards.)

With the hishtadlus that we put in and a tefillah on our lips, may our Shabbosos be the true makor habrachah for us, our families, and all of Klal Yisrael!