We present a list of shidduch rules and systems, and explain how to apply these for the world of shidduch Zoom dates

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ith social distancing the call of the moment, we’ve seen many industries moving online — and the shidduch system should be no different. But it’s important to remember that while the setting for dates may have changed, our holy shidduch traditions do not.

For the uneducated or uninformed, we present a list of shidduch rules and systems, and explain how to apply these for the world of shidduch zoom dates.

Rule: The boy picks up the girl

Application: The boy must host the meeting and send the meeting ID. Some people are of the opinion that the shadchan should create the meeting and send the meeting ID to both parties. Other than the very young and very yeshivish circles, this practice is discouraged. Boys, please remember that girls want to see you take the initiative.

The boy must be the first one on the call. The girl is expected to log in fashionably late, a few minutes after the scheduled time.

For those who do not have their own Zoom accounts and do not want to have their own account, using your sister’s school account is strongly discouraged. Should your internet connection fade, you really do not want your sister’s profile picture appearing on screen.

For those who feel that it’s not pas to have their own account, there is a gemach of Zoom Pro accounts that can be used by boys in the parshah. Please remember to change the password once you log in so no one else can access your meeting. Please also remember to rename the account so that your first name appears. (Obviously the girl will not call the boy by his first name, yet it is disconcerting to meet someone you think is named Moshe and see a title under his picture reading Reuven.)

Rule: Meet the parents

Application: At the start of the date, the girl’s parents should appear on screen to meet the boy. This is even more awkward than in-person dates, without the ability to offer stale cookies or ask about traffic on the Garden State. Parents are discouraged from asking if the boy had trouble logging on, as many feel that there is no right answer — boys do not want to appear overly familiar with internet technology but do not want to appear inept. Keep this meeting short, then move on.

System: Siblings peek from the window

Application: Be smart and resourceful! Kids can be very, very creative. Many shadchanim are suggesting that daters utilize headphones for this reason, but some girls have complained that AirPods do not match their accessories. To meet this pressing need, some frum fashion companies are designing AirPod silicone covers in a range of trendy colors.

Setting is important, too. Try to choose the most soundproof space in your home. Many have found closets to be the best option, but be mindful of the background and what your date is seeing behind you.

If at any point it seems that any siblings are eavesdropping or have planted a listening device, seek parental involvement immediately. (Sorry, parents, but you’ll need to end this immediately, even though it was actually successfully entertaining the children.)