You feel a little resentment starting to brew as you tread back and forth to the kitchen

You’re hosting your marrieds for Shabbos, something you’ve been looking forward to. Everyone is sitting around the table having a great time, laughing and schmoozing. You feel a little resentment starting to brew as you tread back and forth to the kitchen, serving and clearing all on your own. No one gets up or offers to help.

Do you:

21%

No deal. Just grin it and bear it. You worked so hard to make Shabbos beautiful and they are having fun. Leave good enough alone.

79%

Deal with it. Kindly ask for help. You did all the work beforehand, and honestly, you raised them to be more considerate than this.

• Absolutely, you speak up. The worst is passive-aggressive resentment. I have a relative like that — after every Yom Tov we hear about how she hosted guests who didn’t lift a finger. Be assertive! When I go to family, my host cheerfully asks me to serve my own family.
• Excuse me! Who raised them? Smile, invite your SON (not daughter-in-law!) to help and hope the others will get the hint.
• As my rosh yeshivah used to say at the end of an event, it can take two people 20 minutes to clean up, or 20 people two minutes….
• Your job of chinuch should have been done a long time before they got married and started coming for Shabbos!

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 874)