There’s a powerful chinuch message in the story of Rabi Akiva
Water On a Rock
Shona Kaisman Schwartz
Ever watch a child’s face when you tell them water can cut through solid rock? I love that moment of pure disbelief. “No way!” they exclaim, eyebrows raised, heads shaking. I smile and say, “I know it sounds impossible. But look closely at this smooth indent in the stone. That’s what countless droplets did over time.”
This simple natural wonder captures exactly what Rabi Akiva discovered at age 40 when he observed water slowly carving through stone. That transformative moment completely changed his life trajectory. As we celebrate Lag B’omer and honor Rabbi Akiva, his story offers us the perfect lens to understand a growth mindset — that powerful belief that our, and our children’s abilities, aren’t fixed, but can develop through dedication and hard work.
Raising children and teaching students who persist through challenges rather than crumble at the first obstacle isn’t just a nice chinuch goal, it’s absolutely critical for their future success and emotional well-being. When our children believe their intelligence and abilities are permanently fixed — either “I’m smart” or “I’m not good at math” — they’re building their identity on a foundation that can’t withstand inevitable failures and will miss growth opportunities.
As parents, we’re shaping the internal narrative that will guide our children through every obstacle they’ll ever face.
That water-on-rock story? It’s not just a nice Jewish mashal. It’s a powerful parenting tool that communicates, “Change is always possible, no matter how hard things seem right now.” When your child is in tears over a difficult assignment or ready to quit an activity they once loved, this is the message they desperately need.
When nurturing a growth mindset in our homes (and classrooms), remember these key principles:
Emphasize process over outcome — Rather than, “You’re so smart!” try, “I noticed how you kept trying different approaches until you found one that worked.” This redirects focus from fixed traits to the power of effort and strategy.
Reframe failure as feedback — When your child faces disappointment or failure, help them analyze what happened. “What did you learn that you’ll do differently next time?” Don’t work proactively to prevent everyday failure; it’s an essential part of development.
What Rabi Akiva understood by that rock, and what our children need to understand in their bones, is that struggle isn’t the opposite of success — it’s the pathway to it. Every time we jump in too quickly to solve problems, every time we shield them from the natural consequences of mistakes, we’re actually telling them, “I don’t think you’re capable of handling this.”
The research is crystal clear: Children with growth mindsets show greater resilience, take on more challenges, and ultimately achieve more than those with fixed mindsets. They develop authentic self-esteem based not on empty praise or false platitudes but on the genuine confidence that comes from overcoming difficulties.
When your child says, “This is too hard,” don’t rush to make it easier. Instead, channel Rabi Akiva and gently respond, “Yes, it’s hard. And that’s how your brain gets stronger.”
Shona Kaisman-Schwartz is an educational consultant.She is the author of How To Stop Caring What Others Think: For Real and the book, Always On: An Interactive Parents’ Guide to the (Dis)Connected Generation.
Managing the Measles
Dr. Jennie Berkovich
I recently had the chance to interview Dr. Paul Offit, a world renowned pediatric infectious disease specialist. One of the topics we covered was the recent measles outbreak. At the time we spoke, measles was spreading quickly — over 480 cases in western Texas alone — and already contributing to a few deaths lo aleinu.
Measles outbreaks happen every few years, so knowing what to look for can be helpful and reassuring.
The typical timeline for measles looks something like this:
First signs (Days 1-5): High fever (think 104°F), miserable cough, red watery eyes, and a runny nose — it looks like a severe cold.
Before the rash (Days 5-7) phase: Tiny white “salt grain” spots appear inside the mouth (a telltale sign called Koplik spots).
The rash phase (Days 7-10): Red bumps start on the face, then spread head-to-toe. Kids remain contagious until four days after the rash appears.
Measles is impressively contagious with a death rate of approximately one to three per 1,000 cases in healthy populations, but the rate can be much higher — up to one in ten — in malnourished or medically underserved areas.
In an event of a suspected measles exposure, act fast: Unvaccinated? Call your doctor immediately — a vaccine within 72 hours or antibodies within six days can prevent illness. (Note that post-exposure vaccinations don’t offer the same level of protection as regularly scheduled vaccines; therefore, having both MMR vaccines is the best defense against catching the measles.)
Isolate exposed kids for 21 days (yes, that’s three weeks — this virus is that contagious).
Vitamin A has been mentioned in the news as well. While it’s not a cure, high doses have been used to help hospitalized children. Don’t rush to supplements — too much can be harmful.
Dr. Jennie Berkovich is a board-certified pediatrician in Chicago and serves as the Director of Education for the Jewish Orthodox Medical Association (JOWMA).
Good Match, Wrong Messenger
Rachel Burnham with Bassi Gruen
"The idea sounded promising, but the person suggested it makes me sooooo nervous. So I just said no.”
It’s a common belief that if someone suggested a shidduch, you need to use them as the go-between as well.
You don’t.
It’s perfectly legitimate to thank them profusely for the suggestion, and then let them know that you’d like someone else to set up the dates. If it works out, the shadchanus money gets split (ask your rav for exact details).
Don’t nix a good suggestion because you’re not comfortable with the source.
Rachel Burnham is a dating coach and speaker. After marrying at 34, she dedicated herself to helping singles date.
