At the grocery store, instead of sighing about how much we’re spending, we could take a moment and think: Thank You, Hashem, for food to feed my family, for a store where I can buy whatever I need, and for the ability to pay for it.

When our phone bill is due, we can think: Thank You, Hashem, that I can communicate with my family and friends so easily. Thank You for technology that keeps me connected.

For the next month, try this: Every time you pay a bill or buy something, pause for a second. Replace your initial reaction — “This is so frustrating” — with an “I’m appreciative of my brachos” mindset.

Notice how it feels. Does it lighten the stress? Does it change the way you see your day?

Like any new practice, this takes time. It’s about shifting your perspective to recognize the gifts Hashem gives us every day. With practice, this mindset can become second nature.

The bills will keep coming, but we’ll transform a stressful part of life into a moment of gratitude. And over time, those moments will add up, changing not just how we feel about our bills, but how we experience our lives.

So next time the electricity bill arrives or you’re standing at the checkout, try it. Say or think, thank You. It’s simple, it’s doable, and it might just change everything.

Tsippi Gross is a business consultant and Rivky Rothenberg is a CPA. Together they started Ashir, a nonprofit that provides financial training for communities and families.

Building Resilience in Children

Dr. Jennie Berkovich

I recently attended a lecture about resilience in the face of bullying. I’ve seen firsthand how resilience can be a child’s superpower when facing this challenge. And research shows that higher resilience levels offer significant protection against depression and are highly correlated to success.

Resilience is a broad term. I think of it as a tool belt with different tools for dealing with different challenges, like relationship issues, rejection, unexpected life events.

As parents or educators, we need to show children, at their different stages of development, how to use these tools.

For young children, the way to do this is to shower them with love and affection. Spend time playing problem-solving games together; even doing simple puzzles can boost their confidence. Allow them the space to fail and not “get it” right away, resisting the urge to solve the puzzle for them. Celebrate their efforts, rather than focusing on accomplishments, saying things like, “I love how hard you worked on that drawing!”

With middle schoolers, have regular “heart-to-heart” chats about their day, including any tough moments. Teach them a simple breathing exercise like, “Breathe in for four, hold for four, and out for four,” to help manage stress. Encourage them to join a club that excites them, and let them take the lead by planning a family activity or taking responsibility for a household chore.

For teenagers, fostering self-expression through journaling or art can be a powerful way to build resilience. Role-playing scenarios to practice assertive communication can build their confidence. Encourage and model healthy ways to manage stress and anxiety, always remembering that movement is medicine!

For all children, listen without judgment when they talk. Help them create a “my strengths” list to boost self-esteem, and share your own stories of overcoming challenge.

Dr. Jennie Berkovich is a board-certified pediatrician in Chicago and serves as the Director of Education for the Jewish Orthodox Medical Association (JOWMA)

The Heartbeat of the Family

Abby Delouya

Children change marital dynamics. There is less time, and emotional, spiritual, and physical energy for our spouses with the blessing of children. It’s easy to allow the flow of a busy household to carry us through a couple of decades. I’ve written about date night and carving out time for our spouses, but integrating the core foundational idea comes before taking action: Think of your marriage as the heartbeat of the family, and be firm with emotional boundaries and alliances.

In the practice of structural family therapy, we look to see that the parents are on the top as the decision makers and authorities of the family home and culture. They’re also emotionally connected to each other and equally responsible. Parents agree on expectations and management of their children and communicate this effectively to their kids. If Mommy is constantly aligning with one child, or Tatty contradicts Mommy’s rules, the hierarchical boundaries start to erode, the marriage partnership is affected, and the kids will likely feel the emotional instability. Parental alignment — through communication and respect — is one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids.

Abby Delouya, RMFT-CCC, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice and the director of intake and care management at Ray of Hope.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 928)