M OTHER: I know it’s wrong but I often avoid correcting Mordy’s behavior. It’s so draining to try to reason with him.

FATHER: Therapy shmerapy. I only agreed to this to make my wife happy.

MORDY: They’re my Legos. It makes no difference how old I am! They’re still mine!

Mrs. Kavenberg arrives alone for the intake. “My husband will be here soon” she apologizes. “He had a big meeting. He felt it would be better if Mordy didn’t come to this session ” she adds. Unusual but Mordy is already in sixth grade… Mentally I file this comment for future reference.

Mrs. Kavenberg hastens to reassure me that nothing’s really “wrong” with Mordy. “He’s very smart ” she stresses. “Tall good-looking a leader. I guess it’s only natural that he always thinks he’s right.”

A child (or adult) with a healthy flexibility can be both a leader and a reciprocal friend. A child who always needs to be the leader is simply bossy and rigid.

Mrs. Kavenberg turns to the door for a moment and then says quickly “Truth is in many ways his personality is very similar to my husband’s. He’s a successful businessman a perfectionist. He’s accomplished a lot. But when he and Mordy are in the same room — sparks fly. If they don’t agree — which happens often — each just digs in his heels repeating his position over and over.” With this disclosure Mrs. Kavenberg clams up as if afraid she’s said too much.

I try to help her out. “Sounds like Mordy can be a little stubborn. How does he get along with your other kids?”

“Fine. But you know he’s the oldest — he bosses them around and expects them to play by his rules.” She offers an example: “He’s not into Lego anymore he’s too old. But we bought him lots of Lego when he was younger and he always built it exactly according to the instructions. When the younger kids play with his Legos he goes ballistic that they build their own things instead of what it was ‘meant’ for.”

Mordy has “black-and-white thinking” — the inability to consider several options as legitimate.

There’s a tap on the door and Mordy’s father strides in. He gets right down to business.

“I believe in old-school parenting not this new-age therapy stuff ” he informs me without a trace of apology. “If Mordy can’t toe the line he should be punished. I don’t tolerate chutzpah.”

“Can you give me an example of chutzpah?”

Mrs. Kavenberg jumps in. “If his rebbi tells him off for something he’ll keep insisting that he’s right. The truth is that maybe he was right. But he’s the student. He can’t keep insisting on his opinion when the rebbi tells him his behavior is inappropriate.”

In Mordy’s world there is only right and wrong. No adjustments are made for the specific situation.

Mordy’s father leans back and crosses his legs. “The way I see it ” he says with finality “Mordy just needs to get his act together. My wife and I are good parents — just look at our other kids.” His wife winces and looks at me.

“You and your wife do seem to be exemplary parents ” I affirm “especially considering the fact that you’re here to help your child even though you don’t necessarily ‘believe in therapy.’ And I’m sure it’s true that your other kids are doing well. It’s just that Mordy might need something different.”

Mrs. Kavenberg almost sags with relief when I finish talking. “Something different ” she repeats looking at her husband. He just shrugs as his wife schedules Mordy’s first session. (Originally featured in Family First Issue 537)

D. Himy M.S. CCC¬SLP is a speech-language pathologist in private practice for over 15 years.