Chaya: I feel terrible. I thought Leizer was misbehaving, but he was really suffering.

Leizer: I hate Target!

Therapist: The best therapy takes place in real-life situations.

“The short-term goal is to prepare Leizer and yourself for your upcoming trip,” I explain to Chaya. “But the long-term goal is to teach Leizer ‘situational awareness.’ The reason he clings to you is because he feels overwhelmed and disoriented. You know that feeling when you walk into a big, crowded airport — at first you can’t figure out where to go and who is who? That’s how he felt at your sister’s wedding.”

I go back to the airport comparison. “You just walked into the airport and you need to find the right counter to check in. What do you do?”

“Freeze like a deer in the headlights.” Chaya laughs. “I see what you mean — that’s what Leizer does in new places.”

“Exactly. But what would you do?”

“I guess I’d look around and try to figure out where to go.”

“Exactly. Everything you’d see would be a clue — a familiar logo, is that my airline? A frum family, where are they going? Are there signs that can direct you? Leizer needs to get into the habit of paying attention to his surroundings and looking around for clues. He needs to learn to be a detective.”

I give Chaya some homework: to go through family photos and pull out a few that show specific situations, like a birthday party or a playground. And to buy a magnifying glass.

“Wherever Leizer goes, he needs to pay attention to the What, Where, When, and Who in his surroundings. Photos are great for practice. Have him look for and identify each of the elements in these pictures. Next time he enters a new situation, he’ll automatically start assessing his surroundings.” I recommend some therapy materials that Chaya can purchase.

Chaya’s confused. “It’s that simple? Just go through all these pictures and voilà?!”

“Leizer will need lots of practice. Do a couple of photos every day until your trip, and make sure it’s fun and not a burden. When he starts to get the hang of it, incorporate it into your life. Do you ever take him on errands?”

“Not if I can help it.” Chaya sighs. “I need to go to Target this week. I guess I could take him.”

“Capitalize on it. Ask him, ‘Where are we? What things do you see? When is this taking place? Who do you see?’ The point is for him to get practice seeing and understanding his surroundings.”

Leizer clings to Chaya because without her he feels like a little kid lost in the mall. In any new environment or any social situation, he has no idea what’s going on and no idea what to do.

“One last thing,” Chaya says. “What’s the magnifying glass for?”

“Leizer will know,” I assure her. “Every detective has one!”

-The direction to “pay attention” is meaningless to Leizer (and most kids), so Chaya has to break it down for him.

-Kids who feel burdened aren’t open to learning anything new, certainly not new thinking patterns. Making it fun will engender greater cooperation and make the brain more receptive.

Originally featured in Family First, Issue 601. D. Himy, M.S. CCC-SLP, is a speech-language pathologist in private practice for over 15 years. She is the creator of the Link-It reading comprehension and writing curriculum for elementary school students and directs continuing education programs for speech-language pathologists and educators.