Mother:

In the back of my mind I always knew something was “off.” I’m glad there’s still a chance of fixing it.

Sister:

When I call Leah, the conversations are always short. I don’t understand why she isn’t a better schmoozer like me and my teenage daughters.

Leah:

How does everyone else know what to talk about?

“Hi Leah,” I greet her. “How was your day?”

“Good.”

“Anything interesting happen?”

“Umm… yeah. You know we sell birthday cakes? You can specify whatever you want it to say. We have different color icings. We had one order for a white cake with blue frosting saying ‘Happy third birthday David’ and another cake with a beach scene that said ‘Happy sixtieth, Bubby.’ But when the customer came to pick up the cake, he was standing on line and it was taking so long and it was raining outside. He took the wrong box. Then…” [Every story has a background and a plot. Leah gives way too much background and takes too long to reach the point of the story.]

I feel compelled to stop her. “What kind of packaging does the bakery use?”

“Birthday cakes go in special domed window boxes. Cupcakes go in special plastic trays. Mrs. Perk’s son just ordered fancy cupcake trays with ribbons in different colors. They’re for the new fancy cupcakes…”

“Great. But let me ask you: What’s more important, that the cupcake or the cupcake box be fancy?”

“The cupcake.”

“Right. The packaging is nice, but the important part is the cupcake. In a conversation, the ‘packaging’ is the background details and the ‘cupcake’ is the action of the story. When you’re talking, you need to give mainly ‘cupcake,’ and not too much ‘packaging.’ ”

I read Leah two paragraphs: “When I got to the top of the hill, I didn’t even hesitate. I loved the wind on my face and the way I feel like I’m flying. The problem was at the bottom of the hill. I didn’t know how to stop and I skated right into a little pond.”

The next paragraph says: “I fell in love with skating the first time I tried it. My skates are red and black with reflectors at the heels. They’re a size six. I bought them in Walmart. They have laces and Velcro. When I skate I feel like I’m flying. I didn’t hesitate at the top of the hill, but I didn’t know how to stop at the bottom and I skated right into a little pond.”

I ask Leah which was more interesting.

“The first one,” she says promptly.

“Right. That’s because it got to the point right away.” We do a few more paragraph comparisons, and I teach Leah to get right to the story’s action part.

I notice that Leah’s conversations are all about her job. “There’s another similarity between conversation and the bakery,” I say. “No one’s going to come to a bakery that sells only one thing. And no one wants to always talk about the same thing.”

Leah struggles to create a list of possible topics of conversation. [Since Leah’s personality and interests are underdeveloped, she doesn’t have a repertoire of conversation topics.] Finally, she writes: 1. Work 2. Summer vacation 3. Nieces and nephews.

I give Leah homework. “Write down three people you typically talk to on a regular day. For each of them, write a list of topics that would interest them. We’re going to make your conversations and your relationships much more satisfying.”

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 640)