I

n April 2016, I was asked to formulate an honest, practical program to tackle the issues of technology for teens. I had previously developed programs on various other topics for high school girls. This, however, was the first time I was not interested in the job.

It’s not that I was blind to the dangers of technology, or that I didn’t struggle with technology’s trade-offs in my own life. I’d just never given it too much real thought — and I didn’t want to. I’d heard about the asifos, I’d attended the mandatory Internet-awareness events at my children’s school. I thought my technology usage was the same as anyone else’s, and I was pretty comfortable with the status quo. Developing a technology-awareness curriculum would force me to confront that status quo. I didn’t like that idea.

I could not, however, just give a flat-out no. I went home, pulled out a piece of paper, and began writing:

How I use technology in my daily life

• I text a lot. Maybe too much, especially around my kids.
• I listen to a lot of shiurim on the Torah Anytime app.
• I’ve definitely seen and heard many things that I shouldn’t have (though not on the Torah Anytime app).
• Waze has saved me too many times to count.
• I purchase way too much because the Amazon app makes it so easy.
• I don’t have any accounts on social media, but I do occasionally go on to see public accounts of party planners, photographers, and lifestyle designers.
• Okay, probably more often than occasionally.
• My calendar, to-do lists, and contacts are all kept in my phone. It’s my external brain.
• I will occasionally put my youngest in front of an Uncle Moishy DVD to give myself half an hour of peace.
• Okay, more than occasionally.

As I read over my list, I made my decision. I was not ready to have this conversation, much less lead it. I was going to say no.

Somehow, that no turned into an “I’ll think about it,” and then a reluctant yes. I spent the following summer researching everything related to technology and its effects on our lives, brains, and relationships. I pored through books and articles, both secular and religious. I listened to speeches calling for moderation and those calling for an extreme approach. I researched until I felt like I had an accurate grasp of the studies and concerns. And I came to the conclusion that tackling this topic directly is important — and impossible.

You see, the problem with addressing technology is that every couple of months, the landscape changes completely. Apps appear and get updated and outdated almost daily. Our cars, houses, physical fitness levels can now be seamlessly integrated into our smartphones. Wearable technology is ubiquitous. It’s simply not possible to keep up with every new development, let alone decide what is okay, not okay, or definitely not okay across the board. I am neither sufficiently tech-savvy nor learned in Torah hashkafah to make those decisions.

And yet, after reading all the research, I can’t pretend to be oblivious. What I now know, I can share.

(Excerpted from Mishpacha, Issue 717)