I researched until I felt like I had an accurate grasp of the studies and concerns. And I came to the conclusion that tackling this topic directly is important — and impossible.

In April 2016, I was asked to formulate an honest, practical program to tackle the issues of technology for teens. I had previously developed programs on various other topics for high school girls. This, however, was the first time I was not interested in the job.

It’s not that I was blind to the dangers of technology, or that I didn’t struggle with technology’s trade-offs in my own life. I’d just never given it too much real thought — and I didn’t want to. I’d heard about the asifos, I’d attended the mandatory Internet-awareness events at my children’s school. I thought my technology usage was the same as anyone else’s, and I was pretty comfortable with the status quo. Developing a technology-awareness curriculum would force me to confront that status quo. I didn’t like that idea.

I could not, however, just give a flat-out no. I went home, pulled out a piece of paper, and began writing:

How I use technology in my daily life:

• I text a lot. Maybe too much, especially around my kids.
• I listen to a lot of shiurim on the Torah Anytime app.
• I’ve definitely seen and heard many things that I shouldn’t have (though not on the Torah Anytime app).
• Waze has saved me too many times to count.
• I purchase way too much because the Amazon app makes it so easy.
• I don’t have any accounts on social media, but I do occasionally go on to see public accounts of party planners, photographers, and lifestyle designers.
• Okay, probably more often than occasionally.
• My calendar, to-do lists, and contacts are all kept in my phone. It’s my external brain.
• I will occasionally put my youngest in front of an Uncle Moishy DVD to give myself half an hour of peace.
• Okay, more than occasionally.

As I read over my list, I made my decision. I was not ready to have this conversation, much less lead it. I was going to say no.

Somehow, that no turned into an “I’ll think about it,” and then a reluctant yes. I spent the following summer researching everything related to technology and its effects on our lives, brains, and relationships. I pored through books and articles, both secular and religious. I listened to speeches calling for moderation and those calling for an extreme approach. I researched until I felt like I had an accurate grasp of the studies and concerns. And I came to the conclusion that tackling this topic directly is important — and impossible.