Being informed of common scamming tactics and red flags to look out for could make all the difference in real time

Steer Clear of Scams

Tsippi Gross and Rivky Rothenberg

While hearing of others who got scammed elicits our sympathy, we may also find ourselves smugly thinking, I would never fall for that or They must be super gullible or dumb if that happened to them. The truth is more complex though. The scammers out there are smooth and professional, and even intelligent people fall for their tricks. Being informed of common scamming tactics and red flags to look out for could make all the difference in real time.

A legitimate entity like the IRS, utility company, credit card company, or bank will never ask you to provide sensitive material such as your social security number, bank account information, or pin number over the phone or email.

A strong sense of urgency, (e.g., “If you don’t wire the money in the next ten minutes your account will be shut down”) can indicate foul play. Never make decisions like these on the spot and alone.  Nothing needs to happen so fast that there’s no time to call a spouse, a friend, or an advisor.

Scammers may use threats to induce compliance — “If you don’t wire the money now you (or a family member) will be arrested!” They may have done research and use names of family members (or even harness technology to use their real voices) to convince you that they’re serious and authentic.

Look out for strange use of grammar or a funny email address like IRS.inc. Don’t open anything suspicious looking, and certainly don’t click any links within emails or texts if you don’t recognize the sender.

Scammers may make unusual requests like asking for Bitcoin, stipulating that you need to  wire money to or from a specific bank, or asking for payment via gift cards (which ensures the money cannot be traced.)

Scammers may make unrealistic promises. If something sounds too good to be true, then it probably is. A legitimate caller would not offer you a free trip around the world just for wiring them ten dollars. And sometimes a small transaction is all they need to gain access to your account.

If you’re unsure if a call is legitimate, tell the caller you need to call back. Look up the supposed entity’s phone number (don’t rely on the number the caller gave you!) and call back to confirm. Don’t be afraid to do this even if the caller claims to be calling from the police or another official office. If they’re legitimate, they’ll understand your caution.

We know people — smart people — who’ve lost thousands of dollars to various scams. One person was told that his grandmother was delinquent on her tax bill and that she would be arrested unless he sent a huge sum of money. He panicked and withdrew the money, consisting of much of his savings, only to find out he had lost it to a con artist.  Once the money is gone, it’s gone — more often than not, there’s not much the police or other law enforcement agencies can do to recover the money.

What can you do to prevent falling prey to scammers? Be knowledgeable. Protect yourselves. Do your hishtadlus and make sure to daven!

Tsippi Gross is a business consultant and Rivky Rothenberg is a CPA. Together they started Ashir, a nonprofit that provides financial training for communities and families.

Finding Your Footing

Shoshana Schwartz

Dependence on others is a fundamental part of the human experience. We’re designed to need one another — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. When relationships are balanced, both the “supporter” and the “leaner” can find joy and satisfaction.

Some relationships, like those between parents and young children, are inherently unbalanced. Similarly, when someone is unable to stand on their own, assistance often flows in one direction.

In healthy, reciprocal relationships, both people feel supported and connected, each giving and receiving in a way that feels natural and balanced. One way to understand this is through the halachic perspective on leaning. During Shemoneh Esreh, you must stand. If you rest lightly against a wall or table, you’re still considered standing. But if you lean so heavily that you’d fall if the support were removed, you’re no longer considered standing on your own.

This distinction highlights the difference between interdependence and codependence. Interdependence means relying on others in a way that strengthens connection while maintaining your own footing. Codependence, however, involves over-leaning — becoming so accustomed to another holding you up that you lose your ability to stand independently.

Of course, there are seasons in life when needing a lot of support is natural and warranted — such as during illness, after giving birth, or when going through emotionally rocky periods. But if you often find yourself leaning, it’s worth taking a moment to reflect: Is this a time when I truly need to lean, and my work is to accept that support with grace? Or is it time to begin shifting some of the weight onto my own feet? This honest evaluation can help you foster healthy connections while also maintaining your own strength and independence, allowing both you and your relationships to thrive.

Shoshana Schwartz specializes in compulsive eating, codependency, and addictive behaviors. She is the founder of The Satisfied Self.

Where Reality Lurks

Sara Eisemann

“When we avoid hard conversations, we’re not keeping the peace. We’re just keeping the tension.” —Unknown

Children aren’t the only ones who engage in magical thinking. Many adults also believe that if something isn’t seen or heard, it has disappeared. But in real life, ignoring something doesn’t make it go away. Reality lurks behind the facades and walls we erect, only to emerge at some later date in its fermented, and sometimes unrecognizable, state.

Sadly, ignoring an issue doesn’t even serve the purported purpose of keeping the peace. We trade the tension of the confrontation with the tension of trying to keep the problem hidden. And while we may succeed in gaining a temporary reprieve, we never succeed at resolution by engaging in avoidance.

Sara Eisemann, LMSW, ACSW, is a licensed therapist, Directed Dating coach and certified Core Mentor.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 921)