“And you shall crush some of it very finely…”

(Shemos 30:36)

In describing the grinding of the ketores, the Gemara in Kereisos (6b) says that as the man is grinding, he should say aloud, “Thoroughly grind, grind thoroughly.”

Rabi Yochanan comments: “The same way that speech is bad for wine, so speech is good for spices.”

Why is Rabi Yochanan comparing the chemical components of wine and spices? In actuality, he is teaching us important rules about speech and silence. (Rav Yosef Tzvi Salant, Be’er Yosef)

I

held my baby and waited for the ax to drop. I dreaded these well-baby visits. The nurse was definitely going to find something wrong with my son, despite my irrefutable knowledge that my baby was perfect. She made some notes on her chart, then looked at me over the top of her glasses. “So… what does he say?”

“Plenty! He jabbers all day long.” Just not in English or Hebrew.

“Ima? Abba? How many words?”

I felt like a little kid caught cheating on my homework.

“He says three words,” I retorted defiantly. “ ‘No,’ ‘Ich,’ and ‘Dai!.’ ” (This last word, the Israeli equivalent of “Stop it!” was extremely important for his self-preservation as the baby brother.)

“That’s it?” She paused again, her gaze making me squirm. “You’re not concerned?”

“No. We all understand him perfectly. He makes his needs known quite well.” With grunts and gestures and the ubiquitous tantrum. “Look, one of my daughters didn’t talk until she was two and she hasn’t stopped since. Every kid develops at his own pace.”

“I suppose, since this isn’t your first child, we can trust your instincts.”

Was she letting me off the hook?

“But I’m putting this down on the record for follow-up the next time you come in.”

I escaped.

“Listen, kiddo,” I said as I buckled Shloime into his car seat, “we gotta go back to this lady in two months. By that point, I want you spouting Shakespeare.”

“Ich!” was Shloime’s pithy response.

Wine is one of those physical things that our body desires. In physical matters, it’s important to use few words. As Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel says (Avos 1:17): “All my life I grew up among the wise and I never found anything better for the body than silence.” Furthermore, the Gemara says in Chullin (89): “What is the trade of man in This World? To make himself a mute.”

In contrast, spices pleasure the neshamah, as it says in Berachos (43): “What does the soul enjoy, but the body doesn’t get pleasure from? Smell.” And when it comes to spiritual matters, we don’t need to limit our words — speech enhances.

The rest of the afternoon I kept eyeing Shloime, trying to decide if he really was communicating or if I was in denial.

“Mommy!” Yitzi came dancing over to me with his brand-new Chumash Bereishis. “Rebbi told us that the only way to remember Chumash is to review it 101 times! Let’s do it together!”

“One hundred and one, huh? Great! Let’s go for it!” I settled him at the kitchen table while I started supper prep.

Soon the walls were vibrating with Yitzi booming out the first five pesukim of Bereishis, again and again.

I tried to look enthusiastic while attempting to cook.

“In the beginning...”

We sauté the onions...

“Hashem created...”

Stir-fry vegetables...

“The heavens...”

Heaven knows, it’s getting hard to think...

“And the earth!”

Earth to Mommy?

Now we can understand Rabi Yochanan’s words regarding the ketores. With physical and tangible things, we should speak as little as possible. As Rabi Akiva says (Avos 3:13): “The gate to wisdom is silence.”

Yet for something that benefits the soul, like spices, speech is beneficial to spirituality.

As Yitzi’s voice rose to a fevered pitch, I found myself spacing out, holding an onion with no clue why. But despite the incredible din, a beautiful feeling rose within me. This is what it’s all out. This is joy, riding along the glorious waves of enthusiasm as a little boy dips into the sea of Torah learning.

“Again!” The kid was blessed with great lungs. “Number 17! In the beginning!”

Apparently, Shloime did not share my warm, fuzzy feelings. “Dai!” he shrieked, loud enough to stop Yitzi midsentence. His vocabulary was definitely adequate to convey his opinions.

Yitzi recuperated quickly and began his chant again. And I realized it’s time to teach Shloime some new words in the spiritual realm.

Like: Nachas.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 582)