Our son just couldn’t seem to succeed in school. And the culprit was something we’d never expected

The afternoons when my wife was in graduate school were the hardest part of the day.

I was alone with baby Rephael for a few hours, and before long, he’d be frantic with hunger. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t coax him to take his bottle. He nursed perfectly, yet each afternoon when she went to school, he chose to starve rather than accept the rubber tip I tried to slip past his clenched lips. I was frustrated and confused, my arms aching from rocking my miserable infant son

Other than that, Rephael was an adorable baby who grew quickly and hit all his milestones on schedule. He had some minor speech issues, like saying “school” without the “s,” which we considered cute (although we did start speech therapy), but otherwise he developed well. As a toddler, he was energetic and endlessly curious, his boundless energy only escalating as he got older. He was a lightning streak, a mercurial, impulsive child utterly determined to test the limits of gravity at every turn.

By yeshivah ketanah, Rephael was the kid teachers worried about when they saw his name on the roster. He couldn’t sit still, couldn’t focus, and was constantly disrupting the class. He wasn’t defiant or malicious — he simply seemed physically incapable of controlling his energy or attention.

“He needs to be evaluated for ADHD,” became the mantra at every PTA meeting. The school pushed us toward expensive neuropsychological testing, costing around $4,000, which concluded that Rephael was hyperactive and inattentive, needing medication and behavioral therapy. We were concerned about the potential addictive nature of medication, so we spent an enormous amount of time and money on other therapies. In the end, we relented and gave him an extremely small dose of ADHD medication as well.

It was painful to watch my son labeled a “problem child.” His skills failed to develop because he was completely inattentive. The negative feedback loop was crushing — the more he struggled to sit still and pay attention, the more negative attention he received, and the worse things became.