“May it be a year of true simchah. And good health. And may you always feel how much the Eibeshter loves you.”

I blush, because that’s super heavy and my friends are all around, but I still say Amen sincerely.

And maybe I’m blushing because I haven’t given much thought lately to whether the Eibeshter loves me or not. And I’m ashamed.

“Time for… Bella-dash!” Goldie trills. “It’s like Balderdash, but with topics pertaining to our very special birthday girl.”

I settle into my seat, cheeks flaming. Oh, this is going to be mortifying.

After Bella-dash, we play Pin the Needle on the Sewing Machine, and then Teenage Trivia, which is basically just embarrassing questions about my life. The crowd is loving it, but when Goldie pulls out a giant Twister Sheet covered in a happy birthday motif, I put my foot down. Literally. I step on it and refuse to get off until Goldie agrees we’d played enough games and that it is time for cake. Oh, thank heavens.

I squash in between Ma and Atara and am genuinely enjoying myself until Pori starts chanting, “Speech, speech, speech.”

Not gonna happen.

“With pleasure,” I say. I stand up as the room falls silent. I look around at all the expectant faces, at Ma and Babby’s big smiles, and something happens. I’d planned to make some comment like if you haven’t yet given me your measurements for color war costumes, please do so by the party’s end, but suddenly, I actually want to speak.

“I just want to say thank you for this amazing party. Thanks, Ma and Goldie, for the heaven food, and thank you Babby for schlepping, and Atara, you did an awesome job keeping it a secret.” Everyone cheers and Atara takes a bow.

“It hasn’t been an easy year for me,” I say, and the room is pin-drop silent. I gulp but continue, my voice only shaking a little. At least that’s what I tell myself.

“It’s been, well, life-changing.” A few people laugh, the rest of the room shushes them.

“And I’ve been a grump about it.” Now everyone laughs.

“But my Babby just taught me something very important, and I guess my 15th birthday is the perfect day to learn it.”

I look around at the room, Ma’s eyes are shining, Babby looks at me steadily.

“Good things happen, bad things happen. Life can’t be planned for, no matter how much we try. But the one thing we can always count on is that Hashem loves us. So thank you Babby, I really needed to hear that. And thanks everyone for coming, you’re the best.”

And I sit back down quickly as the room bursts into applause.

My eyes are burning, I can’t feel my foot, and I actually sewed my finger twice. I know I should just go to bed, but I told myself I’d finish at least three jackets tonight despite helping Atara with the choreography, and I needed to stick to my goal.

True, I hadn’t known that my family would be throwing me the party of the century when I’d made my plans, but still, a goal is a goal.

You’re crazy, is Atara’s reply when I text her this. Go to sleep. Are you even allowed to sew after eating cake?

That’s swimming, I text back, not sewing.

So close, she answers.

I grin, our little banter has woken me up. I bend over the black jacket and painstakingly sew the emblem on carefully. Yay, one down, two to go.

I lift it for inspection and realize the jacket had been inside out, so now the emblem is on the wrong side.

Every ounce of energy I possess seeps out of my body. I’m done. I’m so done. I’m giving up.

Remember, the Eibeshter loves you. Babby’s voice floats through my haze of exhaustion.

I straighten my shoulders. This one’s for you, Babby, I think, and then I start all over again.

to be continued…

(Originally featured in Mishpacha Jr., Issue 815)