“The only way we’re going to get through this is by staying positive,” I told everyone through gritted teeth

It started with an e-mail from Ricky: Hi, Zivi. Any secrets for how to stay sane with the kids home?

I hit reply My kids are planning Camp Corona. It even has a theme song: “Corona, corona,” to the tune of “Charvonah, charvonah.”

(I told them it’s not appropriate, but that didn’t stop them.)

She was suitably impressed. What activities are planned for Camp Corona?

So, that was more complicated. Basically, we’re going to clean for Pesach and eat all the toilet paper and water bottles we stocked up on.

Ricky and I were not alone. My sister was the next to text me: What scares me most about this lockdown is the thought of my kids sitting at home all day with their piles of Purim nosh.

Food, right. I sent my husband to the store with instructions to “buy a lot of formula.”

“How much formula is a lot of formula?” he asked.

“Enough to last us until the baby starts solids, approximately,” I said.

*****

Day one, we cleaned for Pesach and finger-painted. It was almost idyllic. Everyone went to sleep tired but happy, and I had all sorts of romantic fantasies about family time and bonding.

Day two, we schlepped out a bunch of musical instruments. Less idyllic, lots of tears, because the members of the family who could actually play recognizable music were far outnumbered by those who couldn’t. The Corona Concert had great optics — I managed to snap a few shots before anyone started crying, but the band was soon disbanded.

“The only way we’re going to get through this is by staying positive,” I told everyone through gritted teeth. By the third day, my kids were symptomatic, and “positive” took on a whole new meaning.

Unable to leave the house, we escaped to the back deck, where we discovered a chuppah set up in the yard facing ours — a corona kallah. There was music and contact-free dancing — and a cop patrolling in front to make sure no rules were broken.

My husband and I were working remotely, which is to say, the chance of us working was remote. Besides the sick kids, the baby had a double ear infection. And then there was the news, all day long, the news and the updates and the recorded warnings, getting worse and worse as time passed.