I needed something stronger than what I had to keep on going

As told to Miriam Klein Adelman

By nature, I’m easygoing and positive. But my son struggles with Asperger’s and my husband has been deeply depressed for many years. Seeing my husband miserable and being unable to help him made me realize I needed something stronger than what I had to keep on going.

I signed up for a self-development course. Then another one.

These courses opened my eyes to the idea that we’re all put in This World for a purpose by our loving Father. He has a plan for each one of us. He gave me my personality traits, my qualities, my flaws, my marriage partner, and my children all in order to fulfill my particular purpose in This World.

I’ve been working on internalizing this concept for the past seven years.

My day revolves around this emunah work. Not that I don’t live my life. I absolutely do! But with awareness. Every morning when I get up, I ask Hashem to give me a good day filled with peace, and I ask Him to help me be successful. I visualize all the wonderful things I want to see happen that day.

Throughout the day, I give myself pep talks, saying things like, “Hashem runs the world”; “Hashem loves me”; “Hashem put me here, surrounded by these people, with my personality and theirs to fulfill a unique purpose.”

I also receive daily emunah emails from Rabbi Ashear that give me chizuk.

At night, I meditate. The running mantras in my mind are “I love Hashem” and “Hashem loves me.” This is what I fall asleep to every night.

These practices have evolved over time, and I keep adding to them. My life is much richer now. I’m living, not merely existing like I was before. And yes, my husband is still depressed, and my son with Asperger’s still struggles.

But Hashem placed each of us here to do our own work. While because of my internal work I now have a wonderful, loving relationship with my family members, it’s not in my power to change them. They have their own work to do. I thank Hashem for leading me to mine.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 758)