That mauve suit is so unflattering on her that Nechami can’t hold back. “Where did you get that outfit from?!”

"Hi, Nechami, are you home?” “Yes.” Nechami adjusts the phone on her shoulder and pours batter into the six round molds of the pancake maker.

“And Shua’s not learning in your office now, right?”

“No. He only learns there in the morning before davening.”

“Great. So I’m popping over to get ready there,” says Chaya, oh-so-nonchalantly.

Too nonchalantly.

“Why in the office?”

“I have a wedding tonight. Our neighbors, Brim,” Chaya explains in the same deliberately casual tone, “and I’m just on my way from somewhere else.”

“Yes, but why get dressed in my office? Come up to the house, where it’s more comfortable.”

“No, I don’t want to impose on you. It’s fine, I’m already going in with my own key. Thanks, Nechami!”

Nechami stares distractedly at the pancakes a minute too long, before she realizes they’re burnt. The whole batch goes into the garbage. She pours in more batter. Chanoch and Bentzi officially eat supper in yeshivah ketanah, but they’re always happy to find a treat waiting at home.

Twelve perfectly round pancakes slide onto the platter. She sprinkles them with vanilla sugar and covers them with paper towels.

“Oooh, I want some too.” Ten-year-old Sari has sniffed out the source of the enticing aroma.

“No. These are for Bentzi and Chanoch.”

“How come only they get? Because they’re learning?”

In the child’s defiant gaze, Nechami sees other gazes from other times. She treads carefully as she crafts her answer. “Because they learn Torah, and they’ve been in yeshivah all day, and I want them to have a little taste of home when they get back. And you’re supposed to honor your older brothers in any case.” She tries to cover it from every angle.

And I’m supposed to love all of you unconditionally. I’ve seen what happens to a boy whose mother gives him treats only when he learns. And I saw what she got in return. I’ve seen too many equations for one woman.

She slips a warm pancake to Sari. “Shh. Don’t tell anyone.”

“But now one of the boys will only get five.”

“Oh, we can solve that equation easily.” Nechami laughs and takes a pancake for herself. “Now they each have five, and everyone’s happy, right?”

The laughter accompanies her downstairs, to the storage rooms in the basement. She wipes a bit of vanilla sugar from her mouth and knocks softly on the door. A shadow in mauve tries to avoid her gaze.

“Nechami! You said you didn’t need the room…” Chaya’s back is to her now; she’s very preoccupied with staring at a bird painted on the wall.

“Oh, right… sorry, I just wanted to check something in a file I’m working on,” Nechami says. She can see that her presence isn’t wanted here.

“Okay, well, bye, then.” Chaya is already moving toward the door.

That mauve suit is so unflattering on her that Nechami can’t hold back. “Where did you get that outfit from?!”