A husband and wife reflect upon their journey

Michoel:

My wife and I were raised very differently when it came to money. Riva’s parents struggled financially, but she never knew that. They’re from Hungarian stock, and they were determined to give their kids everything. When Riva turned 16 and asked for a car, for instance, she got one. If she needed money, she just went and took it from her mother’s wallet.

My parents, on the other hand, were born to Polish and Russian immigrants, respectively, and their spending habits were vastly different. If I wanted money from them, I had to do chores. I would never have dreamed of asking them for a car, or for anything beyond the basics.

Still, I always dreamed of being able to help people with money. On Erev Shavuos, when I was 18, my rosh yeshivah was discussing how to prepare for kabbalas haTorah, and he asked each boy in my shiur to choose one mitzvah that he would resolve to perform to perfection. I chose tzedakah.

Riva:

I wish my parents had made me a smaller wedding and used the money instead to help Michoel and me start our marriage on solid financial footing. As it was, we were both working at very low-paying jobs when we were first married, while living in a one-bedroom apartment, but our meager earnings could not cover the basic costs of living — rent, groceries, health insurance, utilities, etc. — so the first few years of our marriage were overshadowed by financial stress.

I think one of the greatest gifts parents can give their newly married children is a year or two in which they don’t have to worry about money — and that has nothing to do with whether the kids are in kollel. We weren’t in kollel, but our shanah rishonah was still marred by constant anxiety about paying the bills.

When I was expecting my first child, I wanted to buy a maternity dress that cost $123.78, but when I told Michoel that I had found this amazing dress, he said, “We can’t afford it.”

This is what I got married for? I remember thinking. Not to be able to afford anything?

After my baby was born, and I had to juggle work and caring for him, I felt so, so tired — and we had no money, ever. Sometimes, I would go into the closet and just cry.

Three years after our wedding, someone offered Michoel a position as the working partner in his new company, while he would put up the start-up capital. The company was an almost instant success, and suddenly, Michoel started talking about buying a house. I didn’t quite grasp how significantly our finances had shifted until one day, our real estate agent showed us a huge, gorgeous home with a pool. “This is way out of our price range,” I told her, thinking sorrowfully that after seeing this place, nothing else would ever compare. A little while later, to my surprise, Michoel came home and informed me that he had put in a bid on the property.

The seller accepted the bid, and we exchanged our tiny rental apartment for a dream home. I went from having to be selective about which groceries I could afford, to hiring a cook and a full-time housekeeper.