“That you shall take of the first of all the fruit of the ground, which you will bring from your land, which Hashem, your G-d, is giving you. And you shall put [them] into a basket and go to the place where Hashem, your G-d, will choose to cause His Name to dwell.

(Devarim 26:2)

Parshas ki savo

Faigy Peritzman

The Midrash (Bereishis Rabbah) says the world was created in the merit of bikkurim. Why this specific mitzvah?

We need to understand that believing that Hashem created heaven and earth doesn’t take much wisdom — just a little bit of contemplation will bring us to the realization that there’s a Creator of the world.

What is harder to internalize is that even the things accomplished by man are really completed directly by Hashem. (Rav Yaakov Neiman, Darchei Mussar)

The first dance finished with a crashing climax, and all those over the age of 40 breathed a sigh of relief at the blessed quiet.

I made my way to my table, pleased to find myself sitting among many friends.

“I also used this caterer.” Blimi sampled the meat. “When he told me his prices for my daughter’s chasunah, I almost fell off my chair. He was so reasonable.”

“Well, I gave her the number of the florist.” I scooped up some eggplant dip. “The first florist I went to nearly chewed me up and spat me out when I told her it was my first wedding. You could just see her drooling, ready to make money off this nebach first-time mother who has no idea what things should cost.”

Elisheva poured soda. “You know what they say: Your best teacher is your last mistake.”

“Ralph Nader,” Tzippi popped in suddenly. “That’s who said that quote.”

What Tzippi knows in that quiet brain of hers always amazes me.

Our natural tendency is to say (Devarim 8:17): “My strength and the might of my hand has accumulated this wealth for me.” Truthfully, with every breath we take, we’re obligated to praise Hashem, because He sustains us in every action we take. A person himself has no abilities.

Looking around the table, I realized that nearly all the women sitting there had recently married off a child. It was odd to realize that I was part of that group.

Simi was the only one seated who hadn’t even made a bar mitzvah yet. But you could tell she didn’t mind the topic as she was contributing to the discussion with tales of siblings’ weddings and seemed comfortable with her place as the youngest.

For a while I just sat and listened as wedding prep horror and hashgachah stories flew around the table.

A person plows, plants, and reaps and then has to give the first of his produce to the Kohein. That’s how he expresses his recognition that everything comes from Hashem.

It’s not enough to say Hashem runs the world; we have to accept His sovereignty over our every action. That’s the concept of bikkurim.

“What I don’t get,” said Simi, her voice rising, “is how any of you did this!”

“You heard for yourself, Simi. Sometimes it’s a nightmare!”

“I don’t mean the wedding itself. I mean, how do you marry off a child? How do you know what to do?”

“You mean how to find the right one? How to help your child make the right decisions?”

“I’m not even sure what I mean. But each of you has reached this milestone and I can’t fathom how you did it.”

“I’m not sure either,” Elisheva said frankly.

“I didn’t do anything,” I added. “It happened to me. I wasn’t an active player. It was a passive, out-of-body experience.”

“Totally,” Blimi agreed. “You think you know what you’re doing and all of a sudden Hashem sends a shidduch that’s completely out of left field and before you know it, you’re walking your child down the aisle.”

“You can plan and arrange, but it’s really prearranged, and Hashem works around you.” Suri had just married off her first two kids after seven years of waiting.

“And that’s true even when you feel like you’ll never walk that child down the aisle.” Shalva’s voice was soft; she had three married children, but another single daughter approaching 30. “It’s still not me. I’m not doing anything wrong — I’m just a player in this tragedy.”

“But you mean to tell me there’s no right or wrong?” Simi wasn’t buying this.

“Of course there are. Same way there are rights and wrongs in child raising. But there are no guarantees.”

“I disagree.” Shalva’s voice was stronger. “If we really believe we’re not in charge, then we allow Hashem to take charge. That’s guaranteed.”