M y potatoes had eyes. I held up two of them to the light as if I wasn’t sure they were there — they were. Not that I couldn’t pluck them out but for a moment I debated whether to get dressed leave the house and get new ones.

The phone rang. I reached for it. I’d just cut the eyes out of the potatoes.

“Hello?”

“Hi Abby it’s Chana.”

Chana?

“Chana Schwartzberg the secretary.” She filled in. Oh right her of course she’s Chana like I don’t know any other Chanas — actually I don’t they’re all Chanies.

“Hi how are you?” I tried sounding genuine because so far she’s been really nice and funny but why was she calling?

“Good good everything’s fine no one’s in trouble.”

“No one’s in school ” I interrupted.

She laughed. “Yeah I know I was just calling to check in on you. See how you Daniel and the suspension were doing.”

Oh. Wow. That was nice.

“Doing well better than expected. Had a good conversation and today we’re just taking it easy.” I picked up Daniel’s knapsack. The year had barely begun and it was already weighted down with an excess of notes home that never made it to my eyes. I started sifting through them.

“That’s so great to hear. My daughter was once suspended I forget why it was a group thing. All her friends made a party of it the school never tried a mass suspension again.”

I laughed. “Serves the school right. I told Rabbi Ciner suspensions serve no purpose.” Was it okay to say that to the school secretary? But she seemed to be on my side.

“I told her to keep the suspension quiet does not look good on the résumé if you know what I mean. But”—Chana paused and lowered her voice conspiratorially—“keep this to yourself but my daughter’s dating seriously and she told him on the first date! And he’s still dating her!”

“That’s hysterical ” I said.

Keep this to yourself — well she definitely spilled the beans to the right person. How could I tell anyone when I don’t talk to anyone? “Don’t worry mum’s the word ” I assured her.

I dumped all the contents of Daniel’s knapsack on the table too much to sift. Ugh so much garbage: candy wrappers old homework sheets a request for more pencils from his teacher — seriously more pencils already?

“Thanks she’s my oldest and I’m so excited and nervous. Oh but this is not what I was calling about unless you got some comfort that Daniel’s shidduchim are not shot yet — maybe. We’ll see what happens with this guy.”

I laughed. I laugh a lot when I talk to her she’s entertaining. Wait what’s this paper — Mishkan Fair? (Excerpted from Family First Issue 561)