With all that’s going on, how will I crown Him King?

I

t’s another busy week in Elul. There are orientations to attend, lists of school supplies to shop for, and new shoes to buy. There are also endless appointments, scans, blood tests, phone calls, and results. It’s the dichotomy of parenting through infertility, the sweet challenge of being present in the moment while preparing for the future.

Throughout this haze of never-ending doing, my lucky husband gets to hear the shofar each morning. The Elul seforim on my shelf beckon, but my paltry attempts at carving out time don’t get me too far.

Yes, I know that mothering is my avodah, and doing a treatment now is the right choice for us. Yet something in me twists. With all that’s going on, how will I crown Him King?

We’re no newcomers to the joys of treatment, but having to restart at a new fertility center due to a trans-Atlantic move has led to challenges we hadn’t expected. Our old center was in the heart of Eretz Yisrael; our team knew more about fertility-related halachah than we ourselves did. Here, an ocean away, we find ourselves as ambassadors of sorts, explaining and presenting so many details to our non-Jewish team and non-observant doctor.