We’re fooling ourselves to avoid focusing on our real mission in life

“Whoever did not take the word of Hashem to heart left his servants and cattle in the field” (Shemos 9:21)

Do you ever wonder why people do things which they know are detrimental or harmful to themselves? Why do people eat foods that make them sick? Smoke? Drive recklessly?  This phenomenon is part of human nature from time immemorial. Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz points out that this concept is portrayed by the Mitzrim’s reckless behavior at the time of hail. They’d already witnessed six plagues and knew full well that every warning Moshe gave them came to fruition. Yet they still left their servants and cattle in the fields.  (Rabbi Shlomo Caplan, Mishulchan Shlomo)

The house was quiet as I went around checking on the kids before going to sleep myself. All were slumbering soundly until I got to Binyamin. Seeing him buried under his blankets, I almost turned to leave when I thought I saw a small light. Coming closer, I caught the culprit with a flashlight, so deeply engrossed in the book he was reading he barely blinked as I pulled the blankets back.

“Binyamin, what are you doing up at this hour? Tomorrow’s a school day!”

“Just one more page, Ma. Till the end of the chapter. I gotta find out who did it…”

Did what? I almost asked, but then remembered I’m supposed to be the adult here, not get caught up in the plot as he was.

“Binyamin, any good whodunit is not going to tell you ‘who did it’ in one more page. You’ll find out tomorrow.” I confiscated the contraband, both flashlight and book, then tucked him in and kissed him goodnight.

As his sleepy response followed me down the hall, I chuckled at the scene that had just played itself out, one I remembered clearly from when I was the kid caught red-handed reading.

This phenomenon has particular significance when it comes to keeping Torah and mitzvos. We can know that something is definitely forbidden and yet somehow have difficulty following through on this knowledge. Who doesn’t know the prohibition of lashon hara? The obligation to make brachos?

Our hearts and minds function independently and people generally act upon their emotions, not their logic. We’re very good at fooling ourselves. If it feels good, we do it.

I was relating Binyamin’s antics to my friend Tzippy when we met up for a coffee the next morning.  “I need an espresso triple-loaded,” I told her as I glanced at the menu. “It wasn’t like I got straight to bed after tucking in Binyamin. And it wasn’t because I needed to find out ‘who did it.’”

“I’m just going to have a low-fat smoothie. With soy milk.” Tzippy reached for her wallet.

“No coffee? No milk?” I looked at her with concern. “You feeling ok?”

“I’ve been off coffee and milk for over two years now,” she answered with an airy wave of her hand. “I found out I’m lactose intolerant and the caffeine just doesn’t agree with me.”

“Two years of abstinence and you never cheat?”

“Not at all. Within an hour after drinking milk or coffee I get horribly sick. So it just doesn’t appeal to me anymore. You don’t have a craving for something that’ll make you sick.”

Rav Chaim notes that this concept doesn’t only apply to aveiros. Consider how much time we waste when we could be doing something constructive or positive. We let our lives slip away by distracting ourselves. Our generation’s not lacking opportunities to waste time. TV, books, the internet, movies, sports, or politics.  Once again, we’re fooling ourselves to avoid focusing on our real mission in life.

I thought about Tzippy as I drove home, my system now wired from an espresso and an hour’s chat with a good friend.

What if the minute Binyamin went over his reading time, his pillow would zap him with an electric shock? Or if when I stayed up too late despite my early night declarations, all the lights in the house would start flashing?

Why aren’t we wise enough to anticipate repercussions even when they’re not immediate like Tzippy’s? For that matter, why was I was driving slower right now simply because I knew there was a speed camera nearby?

There’s something of the child inside us that never wants to admit there are reasons for rules. But it’s never too late to turn a new page in life.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 726)