If a person doesn’t make himself like a desert he cannot know Torah and mitzvos. (Rav Baruch Mordechai Ezrachi Bircas Mordechai)
Spring is wrestling with approaching summer and the dust of their struggle leaves long feathery clouds in the sky. The month of Sivan is gently entering. The world is about to receive the Torah.
Me too Hashem me too.
I too want to receive the Torah and stand purified at the foot of Har Sinai.
I too want to feel the deep spiritual experience to know the Torah is entering my heart coming into my home.
On the pasuk “Oh that I were in the wilderness in a lodging place of wayfaring men ” Chazal bring the following mashal: The king doesn’t like to visit his developed countries for the inhabitants flee from him. However when he visits an underdeveloped city the inhabitants gladly receive him with honor. The king happily visits those places. So too if Hashem is in the desert people won’t flee from him… in that place He will be received nicely.
What does this mashal teach us?
The king’s visit to underdeveloped areas heralds a turning point for construction and creativity. Therefore all are happy. The king’s visit in developed places however arouses concern and wonder. Who knows? Perhaps there are new decrees more taxes; it’s preferable to flee.
Maybe residents of developed countries have reason to fear things to hide. It’s preferable so they think not to meet with royalty. People living in underdeveloped areas have nothing to fear there’s nothing to hide. On the contrary… let the king come. Perhaps he’ll be inspired to build us up. (ibid.)
Some city dwellers aren’t interested in anyone hinting there’s room for improvement. They have connections money and talent; they’re busy with thousands of important matters. When the king comes to their house he is received with restrained politeness. They believe in Hashem and even keep His mitzvos. However they’re busy very busy.
Not me. I am the wilderness.
I gaze in tremendous wonder at the delightful children that Hashem has granted me and I don’t think for a moment that I can raise them all on my own. I see my house and all the tasks piled up for me and don’t think for a moment that I am smart enough or talented enough to cope with it all on my own.
I am the wilderness. And my house is a simple village. I don’t host the King for a temporary courtesy visit rather I wait for Him each morning and anticipate His arrival longingly. I know that I have nothing without Him. I want Him to be with me at every moment I want to host Him in my heart as I greet my children in the afternoon and put them to sleep in the evening as I talk with my husband and when I go shopping.
The King is looking to give His Torah to the simple villagers those who want it to live each moment who grab onto it with open hearts. Hashem isn’t looking to give the Torah to those only interested in hosting it for short-term visits. The King comes to those who invite Him.
The whole sefer is called “Bamidbar ” for a feeling of being a desert is essential for those receiving the Torah… The Torah was given in the desert for only a feeling of wilderness… a feeling of [being a] receptacle preparing to be filled only a feeling of emptiness for lack of Torah will prepare the receptacle to receive and fill itself with the light of the King. (ibid.)
I bake cheesecake and fill blintzes set the Yom Tov table and arrange the flowers. In my heart I want to feel how much the Torah is my life how much of a desert I am without it and to what degree I welcome it in each day.
“Man should approach the Torah as a desert. And the Torah will build him into a palace.”
Hashem help me desire your Torah all my days seeking your closeness each moment. See the barrenness desolation and yearning of my wilderness and build me into a palace of Torah.