I wasn’t excited about the decorating idea until now, but as we discuss it, I’m actually growing interested

When Ma wakes me Sunday morning with the news that we’re going décor shopping, I try to be enthusiastic, I really do, but I’m a terrible faker.

“Woohoo,” I say. “Thank you, Ma.”

She looks at me knowingly. “My pleasure, sweetie. So get dressed — warmly, it’s freezing — daven, and then we’ll get breakfast while we’re out.”

Now there’s an incentive. Images of waffles dripping in maple syrup fill my mind. “Sounds great.”

I hobble out of bed, throw on my favorite grey swing dress with the stripe of fur down the side and implement some of Fraidy’s curling techniques on my thick locks. A swipe of mascara, a dab of lip-gloss, and I’m ready to go daven.

“So, I’m thinking The Breakfast House and then Target?” Ma looks at me sideways to gauge my enthusiasm as she puts the car into drive.

“Sounds perfect.”

The Breakfast House is half full with sleepy diners. I glance around tiredly, ensuring I don’t know anyone, and then we settle into a booth and order. A short while later, we’re inhaling the rising steam from our lattes.

I wrap my cold fingers around my mug and watch as the waitress deposits our food onto the table. Ma’s toasted butter bagel and hash browns look good, but my stack of pancakes looks better.

“So, any ideas of what you’re looking for?” Ma asks, biting into her sandwich.

I assume this question is about my room and not an existential topic this early in the morning.

“Nah,” I say, dipping a piece of pancake into jam.

“Oh.”

Shoots, I forgot to be enthusiastic. Ma has been trying so hard this whole saga; the least I can do is pretend to be excited about her grand idea. Time for damage control. “I mean, Atara just did her room in neutrals and I don’t love it. It’s, like, a bit too mature, you know?”

Mommy nods thoughtfully.

“I really like gold,” I offer.

Ma raises an eyebrow. “Gold?”

“As an accent color.”

Ma spoons some hash browns onto my plate. “That does sound nice.”

It did. I wasn’t excited about the decorating idea until now, but as we discuss it, I’m actually growing interested. Well, as interested as one can be after losing the best thing in their life. Obviously, after Torah and my family, etc., etc.

I sigh loudly enough for Mommy to raise her eyebrows questioningly. I just shake my head and ask for a coffee refill.