I can only imagine the mayhem that would ensue if my boys had access to technology

I

’d like to take a moment to publicly acknowledge how grateful I am that my children do not have access to technology. Not just because of the way technology negatively impacts the development of their young minds, but because I can only imagine the mayhem and anarchy that would ensue if they were able to utilize those platforms to share ideas and hatch nefarious plans.

Email

From: The Desk of The Eldest Son

To: The Brethren

Subject: New Magazine Alert

I hope this email finds you all well. It has been brought to my attention that there is a new magazine for kids, now available at the local grocery. Despite the fact that our parents currently subscribe to a dozen children’s magazines, I know that I can rely on your backup when I ask them to buy this magazine as well.

As always, I will keep you informed as to whether they immediately concede to this reasonable request or whether we all need to whine/beg/plead more. Updates to follow.

Brothers Group Text:

7-year-old: Hey, guys, I want glasses. Like, I really want glasses. What’s the best way to get them? Open to ideas.

9-year-old: Do you need them? Can you see without them?

7-year-old: I don’t understand the question. What does seeing have to do with getting glasses?

9-year-old: Doctors will only give you glasses if you can’t see.

10-year-old: Keep in mind that before you get the eye doctor to give you glasses, you need to convince Tatty or Mommy to take you to a doctor in the first place.

7-year-old: Seriously? How am I supposed to do that?

10-year-old: Tell them how hard it is to see the board in class.

11-year-old: Or that it’s tough to read because the words look fuzzy.

7-year-old: Ohhh, okay, got it. Good ideas, everyone. I have a plan. Each time either parent attempts to hand me something I need or tries to talk to me, I’ll squint in their general direction as if the blinding sun is in my eyes and am unable to see anything.

9-year-old: Yup, that should do it. Best of luck.