EZZIE: We each had a different thought about pizza. Duvi doesn’t even like pizza. Weird!

TZVI: Ezzie is paying more attention to what I say. He asks me questions when I’m talking.

To start the next meeting of the Spy Club I write on a large whiteboard: THOUGHTS lead to FEELINGS lead to ACTIONS.

I hand Ezzie Duvi and Yossi each a mini-whiteboard in the shape of a thought bubble. “I’m going to hold up a picture” I tell them. “Write your thoughts in your thought bubble.”

The first picture shows a fresh pizza. When the boys are done writing they read what they wrote.

When teaching social skills everything has to be visual. Verbal instructions won’t produce behavior change.

“Pizza from a pizza store” says Ezzie’s thought bubble.

“My favorite lunch” reads Yossi’s.

“Gooey cheese” Duvi’s says.

“Here’s the next spy secret” I say. “Your thoughts lead to your feelings. Ezzie your thought was that this pizza is from a pizza store. What’s your feeling?”

Ezzie pauses then says “I wish we could get from the store instead of frozen.”

“Great. Your thought about fresh pizza created your feeling of a wish for fresh pizza.”

I guide the kids to identify the feelings that their thoughts led to: “My thought was that pizza is my favorite lunch and it made me feel excited that it’s pizza day soon.”

“My thought was that pizza has cheese and it made me feel nauseous because I hate cheese.”

After practice we move on to FEELINGS lead to ACTIONS.

Recognizing “thoughts => feelings => actions” is the first step to managing social behavior.

Ezzie: “I want pizza from a store so I’ll ask my mother.”

Yossi: “I wish it was pizza day so I’ll check when it is.”

Duvi: “I hate cheese so I’ll get cheeseless.”

Over several sessions we practice becoming aware of our thoughts identifying the feelings they lead to and how we act on those feelings. We also learn that spies “filter”: we can’t always say what we’re thinking. Then it’s time to up the ante: recognizing other people’s thoughts feelings and actions.

Children with poor social-thinking skills assume everyone thinks and feels exactly as they do. They make social gaffes because they fail to account for the other person’s perspective.

I drag out the box the boys noticed last time. It’s full of shoes: astronaut boots tap-dancing shoes construction boots.

“These are so cool!” says Ezzie wearing enormous fireman boots. Yossi’s feet are squeezed into a pair of too-small flippers. Duvi trips in sequined stilettos and falls to the floor laughing.

“The shoes are cool no?” I say. “But they’re not the kind of shoes you wear. Everyone wears different shoes depending on who they are and what they do. And just like everyone wears different shoes everyone has different thoughts and feelings.”

I pull out several large illustrations. The first is a picture of a car stuck in miles of traffic. The driver is hunched forward fingers tapping the wheel. A kid lounges in the back grinning beside a woman looking at her watch. There are empty thought bubbles near each person. The boys practice identifying other people’s thoughts and feelings as they scan for clues and fill in each thought bubble.

When I review the session with their parents the boys’ mothers smile in anticipation. They know how much things at home will improve when their boys master this skill!

Case commentary created by Sarah Ward CCC-SLP.