Sometimes, the absence of clarity sends us on a path of asking more and more people and getting more and more confused

Moderated by Faigy Peritzman

My oldest son is an incredible kid. He has a sunny nature and loves people. He’s also extremely creative, super-talented musically, and an out-of-the-box thinker and mover. He’s organized his own band, together with three other like-minded boys, and they spend hours practicing in our garage.

In school, though, he often runs into issues with his slightly zany antics and his need to march to his own tune. But his rebbeim are great, and we have a terrific working relationship with the administration.

Now my son’s graduating eighth grade, and we’re faced with the challenge of finding him a good yeshivah high school for next year. On one hand, he’d do well with a slightly alternative setting, with rebbeim and principals who’ll understand him and give him space.

On the other hand, those types of schools often allow much more leeway in other areas — and that may drag him down spiritually or allow him friendships that could become problematic. Furthermore, by sending to a school that’s off the beaten track, we may be branding our younger sons when they try applying to the more standard yeshivos.

We want our child to thrive, to become the best he can be in a Torah atmosphere. Do we go for an out-of-the-box place, despite the drawbacks, or expect him to be something he’s not and pick the traditional simply because it’s safer?

Rabbi Mordechai Groner, a veteran mechanech, has been the rosh yeshivah of Yeshiva Ateres Shimon in Far Rockaway — a yeshivah for learning boys who’d like to work part-time — since 2006.

I commend you on your question  — by voicing your concerns, you’re already halfway to the resolution.

You’re correct in feeling that as parents, the decision you make at this point will have a tremendous impact on your son’s future. I’m not trying to scare you, but to emphasize that the next few years will be important ones in your son’s development. It’s clear that you’re tuned in to your son’s needs, and are choosing a yeshivah based on what’s best for him.

Having said that, you’re correct in feeling there are some “top-notch” yeshivos that will try to form him into a mold they deem most ideal, and there’s a possibility that this will cause your vibrant, creative child to explode.

The good news is that your son is coming of age in a landscape of yeshivos very different to what existed even 15 years ago. A decade or two ago, most respectable yeshivos aimed to produce metzuyanim — top-notch learners who’d embark on a path to become gedolei hador. Our educational systems felt there was one best derech and aimed to reproduce it across the board.

Baruch Hashem, that’s no longer the case. Mechanchim have come to realize that one size doesn’t fit all. We’ve come to the realization that “chanoch lana’ar al pi darko” must apply to each yeshivah bochur, recognizing and catering to his personal strengths to optimize his potential.

Therefore, all across our educational horizons, there’s been a mushrooming of many good frum yeshivos that will give a child his space, while molding him to become a ben Torah and contributor to society.

Boys such as your son — young men with tremendous talent, huge potential, and a sincere desire to grow and learn — are a gift to our mosdos. We value them, seeing them as potential powerhouses, the movers and shakers, and yes, possible future gedolei Yisrael.