A few of the conversations I had with my children that got left out of the Parenting Handbook

I’m a planner.

I check the weather at the beginning of the week so I’m prepared for what’s coming. I like to be forewarned, because then I’ll be forearmed, which is my way of letting you know I like to be in control when at all possible, and also when it’s not at all possible.

When I was expecting my first child, I read the classic What to Expect When You’re Expecting with the thoroughness of one about to get called to the White House to brief the president on the topic.

And then I had kids.

When I say I’m currently parenting by the seat of my pants, I mean you’ve never seen someone wing this parenting gig so hard.

As far as I can tell, there’s no other way to do it. Yes, I’ve taken parenting classes and read parenting books and while they do clarify a lot of things and offer guidance and validation, they just aren’t able to cover all the random things that come up.

Here are just a few of the conversations I had with my children that got left out of the Parenting Handbook:

There I was, singing Hamalach Hagoel, when my four-year-old interrupted and said, “Wait a minute. Is Yaakov Avinu dead?”

Me: Um, yes.

Four-year-old: And Yosef?

Me: Yes.

Four-year-old: Is EVERYBODY dead?

Me: You mean are all the shevatim dead? Yes, they are.

Four-year-old: What? Why?

Me: Well, they lived a really long time ago.

Four-year-old: Were they dead last parshah also?

Me: (pause) We tell stories about them, but yes, they weren’t alive last parshah, either.

Four-year-old: (silent) But not Moshe and Aharon, right? They’re still alive?

Me: Okay, wow. So. They’re actually also dead. Whoops! Look at the time! It’s getting late. Let’s finish this interesting talk later.