Why I’m Afraid
| October 14, 2020I’m afraid Mimi’s return will awaken within me my greatest fear of all
Hashem, Mimi’s coming back to work tomorrow, and I’m afraid.
I’m afraid my assistant’s first day back as a married woman will have her pitying me, her older single co-teacher.
I’m afraid of being unable to muster genuine warmth for the welcome back she deserves, and giving her a tight-lipped, saccharine smile instead.
I’m afraid she’ll float in tomorrow morning and gush, “Thank you so much for coming to my wedding! It was so… special of you!” in that voice reserved for small children and the elderly.
I’m afraid she’ll jump when her phone buzzes in her pocket, scoop it out, and see her husband’s name (YANKY!!!), and promptly forget that I’d been giving her important instructions just a moment before.
I’m afraid that after training her in as my co-teacher over the past year and a half, watching her develop from the shy, fresh-faced seminary girl ecstatic to have landed her first job to the professionally adjusted, well-respected 20-year-old who got engaged to Yaakov Green ten weeks ago, I’ll no longer take pride in her expertise, preferring instead to see her distracted and neglecting her responsibilities so I can silently gloat that the marrieds just don’t hack it the way I do.
I’m afraid she’ll talk to me about her burnt-supper woes.
I’m afraid she’ll talk to everyone but me about her burnt-supper woes.
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