Help your children navigate their feelings

Weathering Emotional Storms

Dr. Jennie Berkovich

AS

a pediatrician and parent, I’ve witnessed countless emotional storms in children. These intense feelings can be challenging for both the child and the parent, but they also present valuable opportunities for growth and connection. Emotional dysregulation is often a normal part of child development, and with patience and understanding, we can help our children learn to navigate their feelings more effectively.

One of the first steps in addressing emotional dysregulation is recognizing common triggers. Often, these are rooted in basic needs that aren’t being met. Think of the acronym HALT: Is your child Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? These fundamental needs can significantly impact a child’s ability to regulate their emotions. I’ve also witnessed factors like thirst or constipation triggering an outburst. By tuning into these basic needs, we can often prevent outbursts before they begin.

One of the most common times for tantrums is after coming home from school. A tremendous amount of effort goes into behaving while there, and the strength to do so is often gone by the time school is over. Restraint collapse is a normal part of emotional development.

Creating a calm, structured environment at home can go a long way in helping children feel secure and reduce anxiety. Predictable routines and clear, age-appropriate boundaries provide a sense of safety that allows children to explore their emotions more freely. This may mean having a protein-rich snack when kids return home, a scheduled bathroom trip, free play time, or other opportunities for quiet, unstructured play.

When your child is in the midst of an emotional storm, it’s crucial to remain calm and present. Your composure can be a lifeline for a child lost in overwhelming feelings. Validate their emotions without judgment, using phrases like, “I can see you’re feeling really frustrated right now.” This acknowledgment helps children feel understood and can often de-escalate the situation.

During these intense moments, less is more when it comes to words. A gentle touch or simply being nearby can be more comforting than a lengthy explanation. Depending on the child, they may want space during a tantrum, so giving them a safe place to feel big feelings can also be validating.

As the storm subsides, engage your child in reflection and problem-solving. Help them identify and name their feelings, expanding their emotional vocabulary. This will look different for each age, stage, and maturity level. This improved ability to communicate emotions is a powerful tool for future self-regulation.

Prevention is key in managing emotional dysregulation. Regular check-ins create opportunities for open communication about feelings and experiences. Ensure your child is getting adequate sleep, balanced nutrition, and regular physical activity — all crucial factors in emotional well-being.

Don’t underestimate the power of hydration and addressing any digestive issues. Constipation can be the root of so many problems!

Remember to celebrate progress, no matter how small. Praise efforts at emotional regulation, not just outcomes. This encouragement reinforces positive behaviors and builds confidence in their ability to manage difficult feelings.

Emotional regulation is a skill that develops over time. There will be setbacks and challenging days, and that’s okay. If you find that emotional dysregulation is significantly impacting your family’s daily life or persisting despite consistent efforts, it may be time to speak to your pediatrician.

Dr. Jennie Berkovich is a board-certified pediatrician in Chicago and serves as the Director of Education for the Jewish Orthodox Women's Medical Association (JOWMA)

Small Bites, Frequently

Sarah Rivkah Kohn

MY

teens will tell you that I have it all wrong when it comes to the battery life of my phone. Apparently, you can’t use it until it’s at one percent or below and then charge it and expect that the battery life will be the same in the long run. Apparently, I’m supposed to plug the thing in at around 30/40 percent and then let it charge in peace.

Really? Who has time for their phone to just sit there and charge at three p.m. when there’s so much to get done?

But then I’m shocked when I have to replace my phone so quickly because the battery life becomes so short.

Until one day, I figure that I should just charge the thing. All day. Wonderful. It’s full.

But then I’m back to draining the battery.

Don’t have too much sympathy for me or my phones… we’ll be okay.

But this is why a “self-care day” often doesn’t do enough. Are you living a lifestyle that continuously drains your energies on every level? One hour or one day will give you a (very!) short-term reprieve, but the lifestyle you’re living is what is draining you in the long run. What research is now showing is that we need to build a lifestyle that has us surrounded by pockets of time on a daily basis during which we do something that leaves us feeling fulfilled and uplifted.

Being in a state of euphoria is unmaintainable. You won’t have a life like that no matter how you build it, with relationships, jobs, spiritual growth always on the up. But if you can catch yourself when you’re running a little low, before you burn out, and infuse yourself with things that add positivity to your life, then you’ll be much better off in the short and long run.

Sarah Rivkah Kohn is the founder and director of Links Family, an organization servicing children and teens who lost a parent.

Savor and Sample

Shoshana Schwartz

I

stopped at my favorite coffee shop, an apple in hand as the perfect accompaniment (try it!).

Last time I was there, I had a medium-size coffee. It was perfect. Best coffee around.

This time, I had a bigger apple. So naturally, I ordered a larger coffee. Because if some is good, then more is better… right?

Wrong. The bigger coffee was just more water, less flavor. A disappointment in a larger cup.

And that brings us to Purim, when there’s more of, well, everything, including junk so packed with chemicals you might need to ask your LOR if a brachah is required.

If your taste buds love adventure and you want to try everything, here’s an idea: Pick one or two foods to actually sit down and enjoy, and sample the rest. Decide in advance to take just one bite of whatever looks amazing, and you can have your cake and eat it, too.

Shoshana Schwartz specializes in overcoming compulsive behaviors, including emotional eating, codependency, and addiction. She is the founder of The Satisfied Self.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 935)