It’s a beautiful and necessary reminder that birth isn’t the finish line, it’s a transition

Valuing the Fourth Trimester

Tsippy Kraus

D

uring pregnancy, we spend months counting the days, weeks, and trimesters, waiting for that incredible moment when the baby we’ve been growing inside is finally in our arms, and we can exclaim, “He looks just like…!”

Lately, there’s a new phrase doing the rounds: the fourth trimester. (Yes, yes, I know, technically that doesn’t add up, but let’s not get caught up in the math.) This term refers to the first three months after birth, a time that’s just as crucial for your baby’s development as the nine months in utero.

So is this just another modern label, or is there real value in naming the time period?

Actually, it’s a beautiful and necessary reminder that birth isn’t the finish line, it’s a transition. The fourth trimester is all about helping your baby adjust from the cozy, dim, constantly held environment of the womb to the bright, noisy, ever-changing world outside. The new sights, sounds, smells, hunger, and temperature shifts are a huge shock to their little system. No wonder newborns cry more during this time than at any other stage, with crying peaking at around six weeks. Logical? Absolutely. Easy? Not always.

What’s Happening to the Baby?

A major adjustment: Life outside the womb is full of stimulation, and babies are still figuring it out.

Rapid development: Their brains and bodies are growing at an astonishing rate during these early months.

Senses awakening: Newborns see best in high contrast, and their eyesight gradually sharpens. Familiar voices and smells become comforting anchors.

Crying (lots of it): It’s the only language they know right now — a sign of need, not of being difficult.

Unpredictable sleep: Newborns average 14–17 hours of sleep a day, but not in long stretches, and they don’t yet know the difference between day and night.

Inside the womb, your baby was continuously fed, gently rocked, and perfectly snug. Replicating that closeness now helps them feel safe. Feed responsively, hold them often, keep them nearby when they sleep, and smile — those early moments of connection nurture lifelong emotional security.

And just to be clear, you can never spoil a newborn.

What’s Happening to the Mother?

The fourth trimester is a transformation for mothers, too. Whether it’s your first baby or your fifth, every new arrival resets your body, your emotions, and your family rhythm.

Physical recovery: Swelling, soreness, even bladder changes are normal. Healing takes time, so go gently.

Hormonal changes: Expect emotional ups and downs. Tears, joy, anxiety — sometimes all before breakfast.

Sleep deprivation: It’s real. Rest whenever possible, even if that means letting go of nonessentials.

Nutrient needs: Your body still needs nourishment. Continue your supplements and eat foods that help rebuild strength.

Once upon a time, new mothers were called kimpeturins and encouraged to rest, and cared for and respected as they recovered. Some communities still manage this beautifully, but many of us live without that built-in support. The pressure to “bounce back” can be loud, whether it’s external or self-imposed.

If you know a new mom, lighten her load. Send a meal, offer cleaning help, drop off coffee and a listening ear. Encourage her to seek support if she’s feeling fragile. Emotional recovery is just as vital as physical healing.

And Let’s Not Forget the Fathers

When a newborn arrives, a father’s role expands in wonderful ways. He becomes the steady calm, the extra set of hands, the protector. His soothing, holding, and caring create another layer of safety and belonging for the baby.

And yes, fathers need space, too, to process their own emotions and adjust to this new chapter. When both parents feel supported, the whole family transitions more smoothly through this remarkable, life-shifting stage known as the fourth trimester.

Because really, the baby isn’t the only one being born — a whole new family is, too.

Tsippy Kraus is a childbirth educator and birth trauma-release practitioner. She also founded Birth Journeys Online, a prerecorded online childbirth education course for Jewish couples.

Dating Children of Divorce

Rachel Burnham with Bassi Gruen

When people are redt to someone whose parents are divorced, they often respond with an instant no.

Their fears aren’t unfounded.

Children are naturally egocentric, and they may blame themselves for the divorce.

They may have never seen healthy connection, communication, or conflict resolution — key skills for building their own marriage.

Divorce also carries a social stigma, and remarriage can create complex family dynamics.

But there’s another side to the coin.

Children of divorce are forced to think about marriage, and what makes it succeed or fail, from a young age. Many have been in therapy, identified traits that could harm a relationship, and worked to change them. They’ve sought out role models and actively observed healthy relationships.

They know marriage takes effort, and they’re keenly aware of what doesn’t work. That makes them more attuned; they pick up on issues early and actively course-correct. When dating, they tend to look past the superficial and focus on what really matters.

If your child is redt to a child of divorced parents, do your research. “They just didn’t get along,” is rarely the truth. Divorce is serious, and nobody makes a move like this over small annoyances.

People may say, “It’s none of your business,” but if your child is about to marry into this family, then it most definitely is your business. If the divorce was due to abuse, that says something. If one of the spouses went off the derech, that says something else. If there’s a serious mental health issue, that tells you yet another thing.

Know yourself and your child, and if they can handle the complexity of a divorced home. There are going to be three sides, not two, the finances may get messy, and the simchah can be a little strained if the exes don’t get along.

But always keep in mind that some couples handle their divorce beautifully and raise children who will make incredible spouses. Before saying a flat “no,” take a deeper look — you may discover a diamond in the rough.

Rachel Burnham is a dating coach and speaker. After marrying at 34, she dedicated herself to helping singles date from their most authentic selves, navigate singlehood with dignity, and make it proudly to the chuppah.

Capable Women

Shira Savit

I’m so capable in every part of my life… so why can’t I get it together with food? Why does food feel like the one place I fall apart?”

Many women share these questions with frustration. They run homes, manage careers, and care for their families’ needs, keeping track of appointments, deadlines, shopping lists, and endless other responsibilities. From the outside, it looks like they have it together.

But when it comes to food, they feel messy, out of control, and ashamed. That contrast can feel confusing and unsettling.

It makes sense, though. A woman’s relationship with food has nothing to do with how capable she is. For those who struggle, eating is often shaped by stress, habit, and an attempt to cope — not by conscious choice. Unwanted eating doesn’t respond to checklists or organizational skills; it responds to emotional talk — how we relate to our inner experience.

The answer isn’t more pressure or stricter discipline. It’s gently noticing and understanding what’s behind our eating. From there, making more balanced and intentional choices become possible.

Shira Savit, MA, MHC, INHC, is a mental health counselor and integrative nutritionist who specializes in emotional eating, binge eating, and somatic nutrition. Shira works both virtually and in person in Jerusalem.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 977)