She lasts two days. The girl is many, many things, but a secret keeper is not one of them.

“Naomi, Naomi, Naomi!”

I turn around slowly. “Rikki, Rikki, Rikki.”

The redhead laughs and claps me on the shoulder. She smells like mango-peach gum and Chanel perfume.

“Naomi! I am obsessed with the Expo theme. Pashtus through the ages. It’s brilliant!”

Am I still sleeping or is Rikki making zero sense. “Huh?” I say intelligently.

“Expo! Debbi told us, but don’t be mad at her, we were totally bugging her.”

“Oh,” I say, my blood boiling. “Oh, I’m not mad at her. Why would I be mad at her? She didn’t spill any beans, because there are no beans to spill. I told her that.”

Rikki just wiggles her eyebrows at me and dances away. What is wrong with everybody? Am I not saying things out loud?

Why does nobody seem to hear me?

I find Debbi hiding behind her siddur in the cheder tefillah.

“Two days?” I say. “You lasted two days? Listen, if it was a good secret, I’d get it. But I told you I was kidding. Now everyone thinks that not only does Ma tell me about school things, but that I’m a total blabbermouth. Thanks a lot, Debs.”

She peeks out from behind her siddur sheepishly. “Soooorry. You know I have no self-control when it comes to secrets.”

I look at her. “Well then maybe that should be the Expo theme. I’m KIDDING!”

Everyone is nuts.

The bris is gorgeous. And I convinced Libby to wear her taupe cardigan set, so we’re the absolutely adorable aunts in matching sets. Sima and Yocheved make fun of us for only 20 minutes, but it’s obvious they’re jealous. Miri looks beautiful and tired and the baby is just the tiniest little shmush you’ve ever seen. Her Eli and Esti are in coordinating outfits and look adorable, and as soon as I see the waffles, I became slightly hyper. Maple syrup has that effect on me.

Libby and I are cracking up, laughing hysterically over something Sima said. I’m literally not breathing, and Libby is holding on to a chair, laughing while Yocheved rolls her eyes, when Ma comes over.

“I love to see my girls happy together,” she says, and we all flutter our eyelashes.

Ma gets very cute when she discusses “her girls.” Although I do sometimes have the feeling that she gets surprised every time she realizes I’m part of that category.

Oh, well.

Libby wipes her eyes and goes to get a refill of iced coffee.

Sima has brought baby Penina over to Yirmiyahu Chaim, the star of the hour, to become best cousins.

And Ma settles across from me, nibbling delicately on a muffin.

“So I hear you’ve decided the Expo theme,” she says, looking at me sideways.

I clap a hand on the table. “What? No! Debbi was just being silly. I might have to poke her with a fork. But no, nothing, it’s just—”

“I was joking, Naomi.”

“Oh.”

Ma smiles at me. “It’s a pretty good theme though.”

I look at her from under half-lidded lashes. I have no idea who’s serious and who’s joking anymore.

“If you have any ideas for real, Nomes, I’d love to hear them.”

She would? Ma wants to hear my ideas? Well, that’s a new one.

“For sure,” I say neutrally. Totally regular, my mother who is confused by my very personality, wants to hear my ideas for the school she runs. Yup, no biggie. No biggie at all.

To be continued…

(Originally featured in Teen Pages, Issue 972)