When sleepless nights are haunted not by nightmares, but by indecision over a $25,000 wristwatch

N

ote to the reader: If on occasion you have a sleepless night, do not fret: It happens to everyone.

Of course, what caused the sleeplessness, and what you dream about, is important. Was it a serious matter or was it frivolous — or none of the above: just endless sliding away of boundaries, sleeplessness without known cause.

Sometimes, dreams can define who you really are. The biblical Joseph dreamed of the moon and the stars; Pharaoh’s sleep was disturbed by hungry cows.

Today I share with you a (somewhat edited) letter on this subject from what I presume was a former congregant. It surfaced out of nowhere during my annual — and fruitless — efforts to make my study less chaotic. The letter is clearly quite old, and I have no idea who the sender was or what my reply was. But it is a worthwhile glance into the mind of this unusual dreamer.

Dear Rabbi:

I am having sleepless nights, tossing and turning constantly. Keeping me awake is my indecision, which always causes me sleeplessness.

My indecision is simple: Before I went to sleep, I saw an ad for some magnificent wristwatches, and now I’m not sure which one to purchase. They are bedecked with pure gold and precious gems, and come with magnificent handworked leather straps. They are also guaranteed for 20 years to tell the time accurately to the millisecond, and automatically adjust to whatever time zone one happens to be in.

Wonderful, yes, but they come with a problem: Should I get the one that — in addition to its other features — gives the daily sunrise plus weather forecasts in Ethiopia, or the one that tells me the time and sunset in West Afghanistan? (I always wanted to know the exact time in West Afghanistan.)

One is on sale — this week only — for $25,000 and the other — only one to a customer while supplies last — is $29, 900. They are each an excellent buy. Where else can one obtain beauty and brains for such a reasonable price?

As I toss and turn, half awake and half asleep, a new problem roils my mind: Suddenly I remember those genuine platinum, diamond-studded cuff links that were featured in the ad. Maybe I should forgo the wristwatch and get the cuff links instead. Granted, none of my shirts have cuffs, but these are a steal at $23,000. And maybe the time has finally come for me to obtain some shirts with longer cuffs, so that I can better display those links.

As I roll around under my blanket, a brilliant compromise occurs to me: I will get both the watch and the cuff links. A smile on my lips, I am about to fall into a contented sleep, when a new dilemma pops up: Which of the two watches shall I choose? I could get both, but I might confuse the weather in Ethiopia and the time in West Afghanistan, so I am back to square one. At times, life can be very difficult.

Rabbi, please help me. I cannot endure more nights like this.

Dear Loyal Reader: How would you respond to this man? Play the rabbi and counselor for a moment. Would you a) send him to a sleep therapist; b) suggest that he concentrate on the full Krias Shema al hamitah before he goes to sleep; c)recite the Hatavas Chalom prayer, which is said when experiencing bad dreams; d) suggest that he buy a Timex watch for $29; or e) other solutions.

My own reply is lost in the mists of memory and in the dust of my papers, although I think I opted for the Timex watch solution.

Apparently, I never heard from him again, which could be a good sign.

Or maybe not.

You be the rabbi. And yes, pleasant dreams….

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1060)