The gabbai of the shul where you’ve davened for the last ten years walks up to you and says, “Did you recently move in?”

You send a tuition payment to your child’s yeshivah and they thank you for paying for the Chumash siyum.

You know there’s no urgent need to personally know the nusach for Yamim Noraim aliyos, Atah Horeisa, bentshing for a bris or sheva brachos — besides, what on earth are you supposed to do with the wine and those two bechers after the brachah acharita?

The person next to you in shul heaps praise on you for buying a chinuch set for your child, when it’s actually your own lulav and esrog.

During your shul’s Yizkor appeal, the gabbai sees you raising your hand and says, “Yes, you may leave.”

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 684)