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nyone who has been to a Jewish wedding is familiar with the dilemma. There are a lot of esteemed guests, but a limited number of kibbudim. How should one decide who is deserving of adulation and kavod? Thankfully, the Jewish community has discovered a solution — just invent new kibbudim. With more kavod to go around, no one walks away insulted. We can have our proverbial wedding cake and eat it too! Here are my top 5 original wedding kibbudim:

The Shoulder Guy

This herculean honor is bestowed upon the guy who props up the chassan on his shoulders during key moments of the wedding. This is the closest thing to an Olympic Gold Medal within the Orthodox community. A special medal is awarded for bearing through the awkward but obligatory dance with that other random guy who gets on someone else’s shoulders to dance with the chassan (nine times out of ten it’s an uncle). Oftentimes, when not serving as The Shoulder Guy, this individual can also shadow as the guy-who-gets-water, ensuring the chassan remains hydrated by knocking over six wedding dancers and, in his zeal, accidentally spilling half the glass on an unsuspecting bubbe.

The Announcer

Haven’t yet launched your own radio show on The Nachum Segal Network? This honor is a great place to start. With the announcement, “Ladies and gentleman, please silence your cell phones, the chuppah is about to begin,” you’re all ready to rumble!

The Jeweler

So, who are you wearing? The classic question takes on new significance at a wedding when the kallah divvies out her segulah-laden ornaments. The Jeweler oversees the process of giving out the kallah’s jewelry and ultimately wields the power of kavod’s most influential tool — the segulah.

The Shomer HaTantz

Psssssst, your roommat from yeshivah has been waiting patiently and needs to leave early, so you should grab him now for a tantz. It cannot be overstated how crucial the Shomer HaTantz, the person directing the order, length, and transitions of the dancing is to a wedding. With the possible exception of the photographer, this individual is, in many ways, most responsible for the running of the wedding. By the way, make sure you dance with your wife’s uncle. If the sweatiness of his palms are any indication, he seems really eager for his dance.

The Marriage License Witness

Your coworker, Chris O’Donnell, shows up at the wedding and you’re not sure what kibbud makes sense? Don’t panic. He’ll be shocked when you offer him to sign the Marriage License. But lean into it a little. Dress it up and have some fun. Make sure the photographer is there to document this solemn moment. If it’s your boss it might make sense to tip off The Announcer and call him up.

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 701)