When someone makes a kabbalah on Yom Kippur to daven Shemoneh Esreh every morning, on Motzaei Yom Kippur their desire to daven is 10/10, and their motivation levels match their desire. If you ask them after Succos, their desire level will be 10/10, but their motivation level will be in the five range. Come Chanukah, their desire may still be at 10/10, but their motivation level will be at an all-time low.

Why did this happen? Because as time went on, their once sharp focus on the goal of davening Shemoneh Esreh became fractured and didn’t dominate their mind as much. By default, our mind doesn’t know how to focus on one particular thing. It’s like a light bulb whose light is diffused in many directions. When we take that light and focus it like a laser beam in one direction, we’re much more likely to push ourselves to overcome our habits and work toward accomplishing our goals.

If you want to find the motivation to follow through with something, shift your focus on to what’s happening inside your mind. Train your thoughts to stay focused on what you want to achieve, and your thoughts will lead you in that direction.

Hadassah Eventsur, MS, OTR/L is a licensed occupational therapist with over 20 years of experience, and a certified life coach in the Baltimore, MD area.

Mixed Messages

Tsippi Gross and Rivky Rothenberg

Often, the money advice we get is conflicting: On one hand, you should review your finances regularly. On the other hand, don’t get lost in the details. On one hand, you should save for the future, but on the other hand, you should spend today to provide for your and your children’s needs.

Having a mentor who knows you and your circumstances, and whom you feel comfortable getting guidance from, is key to knowing which of these pearls of wisdom is appropriate for you and when. There is something so liberating about having someone to ask, “Do you think we should be spending money on this or that?” Or, “Should we send our children to camp?” Or, “Is it legitimate to take out a loan to spend money on expanding our very small home?”

It’s not unheard of for a mentor to recommend that a couple go into short-term debt to pay for a legitimate need (as long as they have a plan for getting out of that short-term debt). Sometimes we get so caught up in the stress that we need help zooming out and taking in the forest. A mentor might also give “tough love” and gently suggest that we don’t need something we think we need, and that it’s not worth going into debt for.

Don’t shy away from getting help with these dilemmas. It could make the difference between a life of financial anxiety or a life of financial calm.

Tsippi Gross is a business consultant and Rivky Rothenberg is a CPA. Together they started Ashir, a nonprofit that provides financial training for communities and families.

Emotional Immunity

Shoshana Schwartz

Your body’s immune system is a miraculous, ever-adapting mechanism. Every exposure to germs — whether through a cough, sneeze, or touch — helps it learn and grow stronger. You do your best to ramp that up even more — perhaps you try to eat well, get enough sleep, exercise, wash your hands, and take vitamins.

That proactive care boosts your body’s ability to fend off whatever comes next.

Emotional resilience works the same way. Life brings its share of stress and challenges — those “emotional germs” you can’t always avoid. But just like you can strengthen your body, you can also bolster your mind and spirit. Practices like meditation, journaling, reaching out to friends and family, connecting with Hashem (and getting enough sleep!) act as the probiotics for your emotional health.

When you invest in yourself, you’re building the resilience to navigate life’s challenges with strength and equanimity.

Shoshana Schwartz specializes in compulsive eating, codependency, and addictive behaviors. She is the founder of The Satisfied Self.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 926)