Parents’ behavior has a profound effect on their children

סָדִין עָשׂתָה וַתִּמְכֹּר

וַחֲגוֹר נָתְנָה לַכְּנַעֲנִי

She makes a cloak and sells it,

and she gives a belt to the

peddler.” (Mishlei 31:24)

The Shadow of Hashem

Mrs. Shira Smiles

The next personality that the Midrash explores is the mother of Shimshon, whom Chazal refer to as Tz’lelponis (Bava Basra 91a). She’s called this because “tzel — shadow” captures her pivotal spiritual experience: She saw the “shadow of Hashem” through the malach who appeared to her twice, informing her that she'll have a child and that she must raise him as a nazir. How does this verse in Eishes Chayil relate to the extraordinary woman, Tz’lelponis, and what can we learn from her?

As noted by Rav Binyamin Eisenberger in Mesilos B’nevi’im, both of Shimshon’s parents were known to be righteous people, so it's curious that the malach appeared to the woman and not to her husband, Mano’ach. Chazal indicate that they disagreed about the source of their childlessness; each of them believed that the flaw lay in the other. The malach comes to tell Tz’lelponis that it is she who is barren and that they would merit to receive significant blessing only when peace would reign between them.

This dynamic is captured in the second half of the pasuk. We can interpret the word “vachagor” as “she strengthened herself,” “la’kena’ani,” related to the word “hachna’ah,” to defer to her husband. She understood the lesson of the malach and internalizes the message — blame is destructive; it's only with humility and unity that one engenders an atmosphere of shalom in a home and becomes a conduit for much blessing and goodness.

Rav Gamliel Rabinowitz in Tiv Haftaros emphasizes that parents’ behavior has a profound effect on their children. It's for this reason that the malach commands Tz’lelponis to adhere to the laws of nazir. Carrying her child in these circumstances created the spiritual energy necessary to infuse her son, Shimshon, with the level of kedushah that he needed.

Someone once approached the Chazon Ish and asked when the age of chinuch for a child begins. He responded, “Ten years before one gets married!” The implication is that each person must work on his personal development and middos, since it will deeply impact their child in subtle and not so subtle ways.

Indeed, Rav Aharon Soloveitchik ztz”l points out that this is one way to understand the midrash that links this pasuk to Shimshon’s mother — because Tz’lelponis was comfortable selling what she produced to traveling peddlers, Shimshon also developed the skill of interacting with other populaces and was able to integrate seamlessly among the Pelishtim and cause chaos and havoc from within, thereby saving Klal Yisrael.

Tz’lelponis typifies one who focuses on creating her home with mutual respect and serenity. She is also the Eishes Chayil, one who understands that her physical and spiritual character directly influences her future generations, not only in words but more importantly, in deed.

Rebbetzin Shira Smiles is a lecturer in the Yerushalayim area, and a mechaneches in Darchei Binah Seminary. She is the author of Torah Tapestries, which includes extensive essays on each parshah, and Arise and Aspire, on birchos hashachar.

A Genuine Influencer

Rebbetzin  Debbie Greenblatt

Many people today have a fascination with whatever royalty remains in the world, much of which is ceremonial. While it’s interesting to see what Princess Kate wears, and the regal way she carries herself is instructive, her popularity far exceeds her level of influence in the world.  The Jewish woman, on the other hand, is capable of being a true source of influence. How does that work?

In our pasuk, the Malbim sees the cloth or tunic the Eishes Chayil makes and sells as the knowledge she has acquired and then passes on to others. The belt she weaves and then gives to the kena’ani, translated here as the peddler, is compared to the binah, the understanding, that she extrapolates from the knowledge she attains.

Knowledge can be bought or sold. We pay for schooling, or for the expertise of someone knowledgeable in their area, and it can be given over in a straightforward way, if there is a willing teacher and a capable student. Binah, understanding, isn’t sold. It has to be offered differently and is acquired in a more nuanced way. The inner binah that is hers, when integrated into her life and expressed through the way that she lives (da’as), can overflow onto others who come in contact with her. Her understanding is her shefa (bounty) that flows from within her, and the Eishes Chayil is the mashpiah, the ultimate influencer.

As Jewish women, we carry within ourselves the deep wisdom and understanding of how to keep the Jewish people going until Mashiach arrives. Though many women enjoy learning and sharing words of Torah, as I do, the real hashpa’ah — influence — comes from how we carry ourselves in the world and how we hold the wisdom of the ages that is our spiritual DNA. When it’s congruent with the dignity with which we present ourselves, it overflows on all those we come in contact with and makes a mark.

The work of the modern Eishes Chayil is to make sure she continues to fill her inner well with Torah-true knowledge, from which she can draw deeper understanding. When she absorbs this into her life, she ensures that she is a ma’ayan novea, an overflowing spring of influence in the world.

Rebbetzin Debbie Greenblatt is a senior lecturer for the Gateways organization and a teacher of both the observant and the not-yet-observant. She is also director of education at Core.

Building the Future

Mrs. Shira Hochheimer

When is enough, enough? The Eishes Chayil has linens and regal clothes, her children have clothes of shani, and her husband is prominent. What should she do now?

The pasuk tells us that the Eishes Chayil doesn’t stop. She continues to make sadin, linen fabrics, but instead of replacing her last season’s clothes — va’timkor, she sells them. She also makes belts that she distributes to other merchants to sell.

Although the Eishes Chayil has enough, it would be a waste of her potential and time to stop creating (Nishmas Chayim). Rather than indulging in another outfit, or retiring and going on endless coffee dates, she uses her time and talents to invest in her future by selling her handiwork. She exchanges the pleasure of wearing something new to earn money that she can invest in her future, either to buy things needed by her family for the long term (Meiri) or to give tzedakah (Malbim).

Rav Chaim Kanievsky, in Taama D’kra, adds an additional dimension. According to halachah, the sadin requires tzitzis and can’t be given to a non-Jew to sell, while other articles like belts don’t require tzitzis and can be given to non-Jews to sell. The Eishes Chayil knows this halachah and makes strategic decisions so that her work is always governed by halachah.

The Eishes Chayil has achieved a balance that is a model for all of us. She takes care of herself, but doesn’t spoil herself. She prompts us to stop and think before we buy yet another outfit or extra bag, and ask ourselves whether we should rather save so we can invest in something that will last into the future — whether this is for our family or for tzedakah.

She also reminds us that the professional world isn’t neutral territory. We need to continue to stay educated and aware of halachah so that we do things according to it. She also reminds us that we should continue to develop our potential and use our time wisely to build a better world, both in This World and the Next.

Question: How can I use my talents and material wealth with a focus on the future both in This World and the World to Come?

Mrs. Shira Hochheimer is the author of Eishes Chayil: Ancient Wisdom for Women of Today, a presenter for Torat Imecha Nach Yomi, and an administrator for WITS in Baltimore, MD.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 981)