What makes a person “invisible” to others, and how can you move out of the shadow of invisibility and learn to shine?

Chani doesn’t remember a time she wasn’t invisible.

“As long as I can remember, I’ve always been invisible. In school, teachers never gave me much attention. And as soon as I was out of their class, they’d have no idea who I was anymore.”

Chani also remembers being ignored in social settings. When she’d be talking to a friend, other girls would join the conversation without acknowledging her. “They’d come over and talk only to my friend — completely ignoring me.”

Although her school days are behind her, invisibility has followed her into adulthood.

“Recently, at my sister’s wedding, a former teacher was waiting to wish my sister mazel tov, and she asked me who I was, so I told her. Oh, she said, I guess I taught your sisters but not you. I replied, No, you taught me, too. She gave me this puzzled look and said, remind me — what’s your name again? I told her but she still drew a complete blank. It hurts. My sisters are recognized, yet somehow I’m not. But at this point, I’m used to it.”

The feeling of going unnoticed is not uncommon. People who have lived through invisibility describe it as an experience of being unacknowledged and undervalued, as if they don’t matter; they feel as if they fade into the background.

The source of feeling invisible can often be traced back to childhood or adolescence, yet while some are able to shed these feelings of invisibility with time, others say it lingers long into adulthood, where it continues to color their experiences.

Ghost Children

Dr. Shirley Matteson is an Associate Professor of Curriculum and Instruction at Texas Tech University. In her previous role of classroom teacher, she noticed there were some students who hovered on the periphery of a teacher’s consciousness. She termed these students “ghost children,” and thought they were few in number. It was only when she became a supervisor and began to observe other classrooms that she learned “ghost” students were more prevalent.

“In observing classrooms in other locations and in talking with teachers in multiple settings and states, I’ve confirmed that ghost children appear in a variety of school settings and grade levels,” she says.

After conducting a study on “ghost children,” she concluded that often these students can be shy, appearing to lack social skills. Many times, they have good grades, but are the ones who try to remain under the radar to avoid attracting the teacher’s attention. They can sometimes be thought of as underachievers, and some are unfortunately bullied. Not surprisingly, she noticed that “ghost children” often sit at the side of the classroom.

Dr. Aviva Biberfeld, a noted clinical psychologist in Brooklyn, hypothesizes that a student who feels invisible is likely more introverted, agreeing with some of Dr. Matteson’s conclusions. “A shy temperament, low self-esteem, or both, are harder in schools,” she adds. “Schools tend to notice smart students, and those with extracurricular talents.”

Chani describes herself as shy, and admits she deliberately avoided attention in the classroom, but she thinks her shyness combined with her good grades led to invisibility. “If you have a loud or outgoing personality, or if you’re shy and doing poorly, then you’ll get attention. But if you’re doing everything right, if you’re not breaking the rules, getting good grades, there’s no reason for a teacher to notice you — and they don’t,” says Chani.

A diligent student, Devoiry also followed all the rules. She began to feel overlooked when she started high school, where it intensified over time. “I received no recognition for my hard work and dedication,” she recalls. "At my school, to get noticed, you needed to be from an elite family, or a student who attracted negative attention. My parents were dedicated and hardworking people, not from the wealthy, well-connected, or upper echelon.”

In school settings, students can be classified in one of five groups: rejected, neglected, average, popular, or controversial — with schools reserving much of their resources for all except the “average,” who tend to fall under the radar because they seem okay. But the “averages” often feel the sting of invisibility. While average students may be successful within their own circles, they rarely stand out. And they seldom receive opportunities to tackle an academic or creative challenge, which would allow them to grow.