“After I personally learned what it’s like to stand before a judge Elul took on a different meaning. I saw that you can’t rely on status that even being a member of Knesset or minister doesn’t mean much. The insignificance of man took on new meaning. I understood that one can’t rely on his deeds even good deeds when approaching a trial but only on the kindness of Hashem undeserved kindness”

W

ho Will Live and Who Will Die

“Man comes from dust and his end will be in dust… like a shard of pottery dry grass a withering blossom a passing shadow…”

“Once before my world was turned upside down I tried to be a good Jew and feel the fear of judgment during the Yamim Noraim ” says Chani Weinroth. “I tried to understand that at any moment something could happen and change my life irrevocably. But I wasn’t so successful. Reality was too good to be able to imagine something black and terminal.”

But then Chani was diagnosed with cancer. The young mother underwent treatment and thankfully went into remission. Slowly her world began to right itself and life returned to its routine. Chani was busy caring for her children and studying for her master’s in psychology. While she still needed routine follow-up testing she was confident that the days of illness were behind her.

Until everything changed. Chani was about to go out shopping; a babysitter watched her kids in the next room as she prepared to leave. “The phone rang while I was getting dressed ” she remembers. “I answered immediately and heard the terrible news: You’re sick and have no chance of recovery.”

Chani collapsed. “I felt like my life was slowly ebbing away. My children were in the room next door happy and exuberant but in my heart I had already taken leave of them.”

Her babysitter hearing the thump ran into the room and tried to call an ambulance. Chani stopped her. “I told her ‘I’m not sick ’ ” she relates. “ ‘I’m already dead. There’s nothing to do.’ I couldn’t see any ray of light at the end of the dark tunnel.”