Having nothing to do is summer’s hidden gift

The Art of Boredom

Having nothing to do is summer’s hidden gift

Shona Kaisman Schwartz

“M

ommy, I’m sooooo bored!” Those words can send a shiver down any parent’s spine, especially when summer stretches endlessly ahead. I’ve felt that immediate urge to solve the problem with screens, schedules, or stimulation. But what if that pit-in-your-stomach feeling when your child complains of boredom isn’t signaling failure, but opportunity?

In all honesty, it took me years — and energetic kids — to truly understand this truth: Boredom isn’t a problem to solve; it’s an opportunity.

I know, I know. If I’d read that sentence during those early parenting years, I would’ve rolled my eyes too. But this isn’t just theoretical research talking, this is lived experience from the trenches of motherhood.

Yes, these empty spaces that exist until they find a way to occupy themselves are often filled with crankiness, sibling rivalry, and messes. And that’s part of the process. You’ve certainly seen bored kids find new friends, come up with businesses, and get imaginative, and this isn’t by chance. The “rest” state of boredom, in appropriate doses, is exactly what turns on the engine that says, “Let’s find something to do.”

Children who learn to navigate boredom develop lives filled with creativity, friendships, and self-directed activities. And it’s not just essential for childhood. Supporting our kids in navigating boredom, rather than fixing it, means development for a richer, better life when they’re adults. Feeling bored at work won’t trigger thoughts of quitting. Boredom in relationships won’t signal it’s time to move on. Instead, they’ll have developed the internal resources to find meaning and persevere through life’s inevitable quiet periods.

So this summer, when boredom hits (possibly two hours into summer vacation), consider trying these approaches:

Acknowledge – “I hear you’re feeling bored. That can be uncomfortable, but I trust you’ll find something interesting soon.” This validates their feelings while maintaining the boundary that you’re not responsible for finding something for them to do.

Give suggestions – Oftentimes kids need ideas to get them going. Making suggestions, and lots of them, even if they’re met with a kvetch or an eye roll can help kids’ creative juices get flowing. Suggest craft activities or a lemonade stand or a neighborhood adventure. Maybe they can do a baking experiment or learn a new skill. Whatever it is, suggestions and support are great!

Model healthy responses – Let your children see you embrace quiet moments without reaching for your phone. “I’m a bit restless, I’m taking out that sketch book I haven’t used in a while.” “Oh, now that I have some quiet time, I’ve been meaning to finish that book...”

Remember the long game – When you’re tempted to come to the rescue with screens or structured activities, remind yourself: “This difficult moment is building my child’s resilience muscle.” The temporary discomfort serves a greater purpose.

Summer’s gift isn’t just in the camps that our kids love. It’s also in the magic of those unfilled spaces where creativity and inner strength have room to develop. So when your child complains dramatically about having nothing to do, take a deep breath. You’re not witnessing a crisis —you’re watching brain development in action.

Shona Kaisman-Schwartz is an educational consultant and  the author of How To Stop Caring What Others Think: For Real and Always On: An Interactive Parents’ Guide to the (Dis)Connected Generation.

Dating Like It’s 2013?

Rachel Burnham with Bassie Gruen

Recently, a 33-year-old man consulted with me. I asked him about the type of girls he dated. “Well, I usually date Mesores Rochel girls,” he told me, “but sometimes I’ll do Peninim.”

“These girls have been out of seminary for over a decade,” I told him. “It may be time to move past the seminary and focus on who they are today.”

It’s never wise to narrow down your choices by educational institutions. They can give you a general sense of where the person was holding years ago, but every school caters to a broad range of personality types. Additionally, over time, people change. Go to a ten- or 15-year reunion, and you’ll see a huge range of life choices and lifestyles.

Rather than boxing yourself into “Only a Me’ohr girl for me,” ask yourself:

What is it about alumni from that school that I’m drawn to — warmth, ambition, tolerance, something else?

What hashkafic values do I find in alumni of that school that are important to me?

Have I allowed my dating criteria to evolve as I’ve grown and changed over the years?

This last question is probably the most important. Too many people make lists of their needs and wants when they first start dating. But we change, and what we need at 22 probably isn’t what we need at 33. Review and revise that list every two years. And hopefully, it will evolve as you do.

Rachel Burnham is a dating coach and speaker. After marrying at 34, she dedicated herself to helping singles date from their most authentic selves, navigate singlehood with dignity, and make it proudly to the finish line.

Have You Hit the 40+ Mark?

(And no, we’re not talking about age — this is about pregnancy!)

Tsippy Kraus

The final weeks of pregnancy can feel never-ending. Making plans becomes difficult, and each day feels like a waiting game filled with a mix of nerves, anticipation, and excitement. On top of that, there are the usual pregnancy aches, shifting food preferences, and hormonal ups and downs.

Then comes the 40-week milestone, and suddenly, each day doesn’t just feel like a week, it feels like a month. Every little twinge or sensation prompts the question: Is this it? It can be an emotionally and physically trying time.

Here’s a simple but effective tip to make the wait more enjoyable and meaningful: Plan a small treat or uplifting activity for each day you go beyond your due date. It could be indulging in that chocolate you usually avoid, a relaxing massage, a lunch date with friends, a quiet podcast moment, dinner with your spouse. Now, instead of dreading each extra day, you have something to look forward to.

Tsippy Kraus is a childbirth educator and birth trauma release practitioner. She also founded Birth Journeys Online, a pre-recorded online childbirth education course for Jewish couples.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 946)