Self care or self-centered? Role models in our community share what they do to take care of themselves and how they use those acts of self-nurture as a vehicle for spiritual growth

Rebbetzin Dina Coopersmith

Rav Noach Weinberg ztz”l used to teach a class, which I heard many times and subsequently learned by heart, called “The Five Levels of Pleasure.” He taught that Hashem created this world for our pleasure. Growing up in a frum family, this was rather revolutionary. I’d always thought we were created to serve G-d, and would be punished if we failed to do so.

But of course, if we learn Torah sources properly, we see that if Hashem is Infinite, He certainly does not need anything from us, and the only reason He created us is for our personal good and pleasure.

Obviously the ultimate (first-level) pleasure is attachment to Hashem, but fifth-level pleasure, physical pleasure, is still legitimate, it’s “oneg,” and is meant to be experienced as a means to the end of connecting us to Hashem.

Going to the gym, running outside, going out to eat with your spouse or friend, a spa-day or recharging vacation, even a glass of good wine or a great cup of coffee, can be not only “okay” and no reason to feel guilty, but can actually be a positive means to the end of coming closer to Hashem, the purpose for which we were created!

The Nesivos Shalom speaks about “permitted pleasures” being either a mitzvah or an aveirah. There’s no in-between. “Kadeish atzmecha bamutar” is a prevalent topic in his writings — bringing holiness into the permitted behaviors.

If you bring Hashem into the experience of self-care, by thanking Him, by becoming more aware of His love, by enjoying the world He created, by enjoying Shabbos, you’re connecting to Him and doing the utmost positive thing.

Next time you want to take a break or enjoy a moment of physical pleasure, make sure to be mindful of how the experience can make you into a happier, healthier, more loving, more effective and energized person, and at the very least, say: thank You Hashem for giving me this wonderful world for my pleasure! You will be making the mundane holy, and the permitted pleasure into a mitzvah.

As for my go-to oneg? Milk chocolate with nougat cream or a good spinning class.

Rebbetzin Dina Coopersmith lives in Yerushalayim with her husband Rabbi Nechemia and their five children. She has been involved in seminary and adult education and kiruv rechokim and kerovim for 30 years. She currently runs inspirational emunah trips to Israel for women. 

Mrs. Baila Vorhand

I haven’t taken a vacation in who knows how long, but I don’t feel desperate for one, because I ensure I get “downtime” in other ways. I’ll sit down several times a day for a warm drink, a fruit, or just to tune out the background noise for several moments.

I also ensure that I get some writing time in.

Additionally, I need to be connected spiritually in order to be my most vibrant self. So I’ll go to a tish or to shul for that boost. Self-care is important, but it has to be both physical and spiritual.

Mrs. Vorhand is an author and Mishpacha columnist.