"And Hashem spoke to me, saying, ‘I have seen this people, and, behold, it is a stiff-necked people’ ” (Devarim 9:13)

If a person wants to see the truth, he can find it, although not always easily. Often, a person’s stubbornness blinds him to truth, even when it’s right before his eyes.

Chazal say (Eiruvin 19a) that the wicked won’t do teshuvah even as they stand at the entrance to Gehinnom. Even knowing the weight of their evil actions and seeing their punishment tangibly before their eyes does not convince them to change, because they are too stubborn. (Rav Dessler, Michtav MeEliyahu).

The two bochurim at our Shabbos table seemed an unlikely pair. Yitzchak was the grandson of family friends from America, and was comfortable in our home, but his friend, Asher, seemed a bit on edge.

“Asher, do you like chummus?” My husband picked up the dish, trying to put the boy at ease.

“I love chummus,” our son Avi piped up. “I’m addicted to chummus!” He grinned.

“Addiction is overrated,” Asher said suddenly.

This seemed to be an interesting conversation piece.

“Why do you say that?”

“Just look at all the statistics on smoking. They’re a bunch of baloney. Half of them are made up by the anti-tobacco lobbyists.”

“Do you smoke?” My husband’s voice was calm, but I could tell he was as astonished as I was at this boy’s attitude.

“Sure, I smoke. And drink too. And I’m not addicted. I can stop any time I want.”

At this point we both noticed that Avi was hanging on to every word of the conversation, so we switched topics and tried to move on.

When punishment comes upon us, it’s a message from Hashem telling us to repent. Yet a stubborn person doesn’t see the message and act upon it. Therefore, his only hope for absolution is through his destruction.

We see this with the Eigel in parshas Ki Sisa (Shemos 32:9–10): “Hashem said to Moshe, ‘Behold, they are a stiff-necked people. Now leave Me alone, and My anger will be kindled against them so that I will annihilate them, and I will make you into a great nation.’ ”

The Seforno says Bnei Yisrael’s neck was like iron; they couldn’t turn at all to see the truth. Therefore, their only hope of absolution would be their destruction.

But Moshe couldn’t accept that. The Gemara says (Berachos 32a) that Moshe grabbed on to Hashem like a person grabs on to his friend’s clothing. He begged to die instead of Klal Yisrael being destroyed. Moshe stood in tefillah before Hashem until his bones were on fire and he was sick from pleading.

Yet according to the Ramban, that still wasn’t enough.

That afternoon I couldn’t sleep. My Shabbos nap’s sacred, but I was tossing and turning, my heart in pain for this poor deluded boy, plus I was concerned about how to undo the damage his words may have done to Avi.

How did Moshe get Bnei Yisrael to do teshuvah?

He broke the Luchos. Targum Onkelos says (Devarim 9:17) that seeing the breaking of the Luchos and the letters flying upward broke the nation’s stubbornness and allowed them to do teshuvah.

Here the Torah reveals to us the antidote to stubbornness. When a person is so obstinate that he can’t change his ways, he needs to shake himself up with some sort of strong physical intervention. This will jolt him out of his obstinacy, giving him the power to make real change.

Motzaei Shabbos I called Avi into my room.

“See this?” I held up a 200-shekel bill. “You can buy a lot of things with 200 shekels, no?”

“Sure! I can get that cool light for my bike, and also a new basketball, and probably even more!” He was practically drooling over the money.

“So this 200 shekels is worth a lot?”

I waited until he nodded, then suddenly tore the bill in half. His jaw dropped.

“Why’d you do that, Ma? Can we fix it? You just said how much it’s worth!”

“Waste of money, huh?” I casually ripped the bill into fourths. “That boy who was here for Shabbos, Avi, he’s ripping his life into pieces by being stubbornly foolish.”

I looked deep into Avi’s eyes. “The facts about smoking and drinking are clear. He doesn’t want to hear it. But he’s throwing away years of his life just like thrown away money.”

I hope he heard my message. I wish I could have helped Asher as well.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 603)