There’s another difference, too: Today, I’ve decided, I’m going to enjoy myself

It’s just one day later, but I know better this time.

Lani offers to do my makeup again. I think of Mindy, of the way a star would behave, and I turn her down.

“I’ll get it done in school.”

My voice is hoarse, but slightly stronger. Good enough for the play. As for the choir… well, I’ve become an expert at mouthing the words.

Lani gives me a hug. “Good luck tonight, Reens. You’re fabulous.”

I’m surprised, but hug her back. “Fabulous… at what? At croaking into a mic or pretending I’m singing with the choir?”

Lani swats it away. “Oh, c’mon, you’re great anyway, Rena. But really…” She hesitates. “I mean, starring roles are nice and all that, but at the end of the day, the play ends and you’re just the same as everyone else again. You, Rena, you’re just… brave. You got up there, even though you could hardly speak, and you just did what you had to do anyway…” She swallows, then pastes a sudden, sunny Lani-smile on her face. “Don’t you have to be heading to school, though? It’s late…”

The second performance is never anything like the first. Not in terms of the performance itself, but the energy around it. School is quieter, girls are getting ready with practiced ease, there’s none of the frenetic action of just 24 hours earlier.

There’s another difference, too: Today, I’ve decided, I’m going to enjoy myself. Enjoy the performance, enjoy the action and the lights and the music and the drama, enjoy getting dressed up and throwing myself into my role, whatever it is, making it mine, making it shine.