“I’ve been to every single shadchan in the entire Israel. I doubt we’ll suddenly find a boy willing to date me.” Chava brought the book to face level, creating a blockade

From the entrance to her bedroom, Dini stared at the Styrofoam sheitel head, its expression bland and distant. Resolutely, she took a step closer.

“Hey Chavs, I’m heading out to visit Tatty,” she yelled over her shoulder.

“Seriously?” Chava’s voice was laced with… something. A question, an accusation, dashed hope, all wrapped in one.

Dini glanced again at the unseeing head on the shelf, then did an about-face, nearly colliding with her daughter.

“Of course.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Chava pursed her lips, considering. “So you’re going to get ready?”

“Yeah…”

An inscrutable expression crossed Chava’s face, but as quickly as it arrived, the moment was gone.

“Okay, I’m gonna study, this CLEP’s supposed to be a killer.”

Dini’s eyes landed again on her wig. Dancing around the strands of hair was a thin film of dust, a grungy halo. What was Chava insinuating? Maybe the same question Dini was asking in the cobwebbed corners of her mind. What’s the point in any of it? The sheitel, the makeup, pretending, always pretending. Playacting on hard, orange plastic. How could she convince herself everything was normal between her and Menashe?

A good wife should dress nicely for her husband.

She grabbed an old, ratty snood. Facing reality head-on was the only way; she couldn’t bring herself to whitewash a visit to prison.

Dini peeked into Chava’s room on her way out.

“Uch, I’m neeever going to pass this bio CLEP!” she fake-whimpered, and Dini laughed; here was mature, staid Chava in the throes of teenage melodrama.

“Oh Chavs, you’ve been studying so hard, I think you’ll do great.”

“Nooo, I really don’t think so. Soooo many of my friends flunked this one, and I don’t know if I’ll get all my science reqs in time.” She gnawed at her lower lip, nervously tapped a highlighter on the book. “I wanted to focus on them now, while I’m back, before I have all my jobs as madrichah distracting me… and one hundred screeching girls around while I’m studying.”

Chava flashed a smile tinged with nostalgia, then shrugged, flooded with regained confidence. “Whatever, I’m going to crush this, right?”

“Yes, for sure!” It felt so good — light and airy and comfortable between them. So different from some of their previous encounters.

So good and comfortable, that Dini tiptoed a step further onto the brittle ice, unsure if it would hold.

“By the way, while you’re here, did you want to meet with shadchanim?”

And just like that, the splinters in their relationship revealed themselves in rapid-fire sequence, highlighting fissures Dini could almost see.

“I’ve been to every single shadchan in the entire Israel. I doubt we’ll suddenly find a boy willing to date me.” Chava brought the book to face level, creating a blockade.

The chill in the room was so strong, Dini found herself shivering. Lamely, she stammered something about hishtadlus.

“I think it’s important… but obviously, it’s up to you… I can make some phone calls… or whatever…”

Silence.

“I guess I’ll go now.”

“Bye, have fun.” The same words Chava had been saying for years. And still, the yellow cover of the book was all Dini could see.

Fun. Right.