Feelings are a package deal — avoiding the hard ones means giving up the chance to feel the amazing ones

“Here I am. Ready to work. How do I become the guy who can move a relationship from friendship to emotional intimacy?”

“O

ne step at a time,” I replied with a smile.

Shaul Kass came to me after noticing a troubling pattern: Girl after girl told him he was everything they were looking for — but they couldn’t see themselves marrying him. We identified the problem being his difficulty building emotional connections. Shaul was determined to change that, so we dove right in.

“What are you feeling right now?”

“Ummm, I’m fine.”

“Is there frustration? Nervousness? Anticipation?”

“I don’t think I’m feeling anything right now.”

“You’re feeling things,” I said gently, “you’re just not aware of those feelings. This is what we’re going to work on.”