"Y om Kippur does not atone for the sins between man and his friend until he appeases his friend” (Mishnah Yoma 85b).

When doing teshuvah we mostly focus on sins between ourselves and our Creator. We’re not as stringent about sins between ourselves and our friends assuming our friend forgives us. But in actuality it’s easier to receive forgiveness from Hashem than from people. (Rav Chatzkel Levenstein Sichos Elul)

The chazzan was beginning to sing. Kol nidrei…

Chills raced up my spine.

All around me women were swaying each intent on her machzor whispering words entreating Hashem for forgiveness.

I concentrated on the magnitude of the moment my eyes tightly shut. A strong shove nearly toppled me. Caught off guard my eyes flew open and I nearly yelped. Embarrassed I regained my balance and returned to my machzor. A few seconds later — shove! This time my eyes were open so I saw the culprit. To my left a woman was shuckeling with all her might oblivious to her surroundings — which included me.

Excuse me?! I wanted to shove her right back but controlled myself. After all it was Yom Kippur. She obviously didn’t mean to hurt me. Yet while I tried to concentrate I was very attuned to the Lady on the Left needing to protect myself. Gradually I found my rhythm matching hers and I closed my eyes once more trying to recapture my earlier intensity.

V’nislach…

This time the shove hit my knees and I almost buckled on the spot. Lady on the Left was still shuckeling away but now wrapped around her knees was a bright-eyed toddler dressed completely in pink swaying gaily with her mom and nearly toppling me with every movement.

Instinctively my eyes narrowed. What was this two-year-old doing in shul? I’d spent hours arranging schedules so I’d be able to attend shul this one night without any children; I expected others to return the favor. Why was I obligated to accommodate her two-year-old so she could feel good about davening in shul? The reason a person gets offended is due to his bad middos. Therefore it’s essential to try to overcome them. This will help us merit a good judgment and will also protect us from not stumbling in relationships in general. (ibid.)

There was a break before Maariv and to my relief the woman and her prancing princess left.

I refocused and rose for Barechu. As I bent to respond to the chazzan I was shoved from behind my forehead hitting the wooden seat in front of me. Whirling I glared at Perky Pink who had just returned with her mother and was now perched on Mom’s chair next to me.

My head was smarting from the stinging blow. I felt my anger rising despite my efforts to curb it. This was the one time I could be in shul this Yom Kippur. What right does this woman have to steal it from me?

While we accept servitude to Hashem our obligation to our friend also requires us to feel like a servant before him. Honoring people is like honoring Hashem because each creation is a tzelem Elokim so we must match our respect of our friends with that of our Creator. (ibid.)

Shema. I covered my eyes wanting desperately to capture the holiness of the moment. Baruch Shem kevod… aloud! But I could barely choke out a whisper over the lump in my throat.

Suddenly a thought popped into my head.

What if this woman were your mother? What if for some odd reason Mommy popped into shul for a surprise Yom Kippur visit and brought along your new niece whom you’ve never seen? Wouldn’t you be thrilled that they were right by your side swaying along with your tefillos?

The thought was so novel it overrode my resentment. Hi Ma! I whispered in my thoughts. Amazing that you came all the way from America just to spend Yom Kippur with me. I’m so glad you brought little Pinkele with you. Can you believe I’ve never met her? Let me move over a bit more and give you both room.

I rose for Shemoneh Esreh and the ruse worked. As the woman was arranging Pinkie on her chair I kept thinking Sure Ma! Here’s some more space. I’m so happy you’re here!

Then I turned to my tefillah with love in my heart for this anonymous mother who happened to be at my side as we approached our Father in Heaven. (Originally featured in Family First Issue 561)