Together Tatty says an open window and ceiling fan create a draft — cross-air venfication or something like that — and it’ll be cool. Aidy strokes the gap on her pajama top where Puppy’s eye used to be and watches shadows spin on the ceiling.

The pajamas are big and scratchy. Once when they were brand-new with a tag they were soft and cuddly. Elky wore them back then. She wore them for two years and then they became Gittel’s. That’s when Puppy lost his eye.

It’s only pajamas. It’s stupid to care about them so much.

In the bed under Aidy’s bunk something stirs.

“Gittel?” Aidy whispers.

“Shhh…”

“I can’t sleep Gittel!”

“Count sheep.”

“But you’re also not sleeping.”

“I’m trying to.”

Aidy hugs her pillow. “Is Tuli really expelled from yeshivah?”

The bed creaks. Aidy grips the rail.

“Go to sleep ” Gittel mumbles.

“No tell me.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“I think I saw Mommy cry.”

“I said it’s none of your business! Go to sleep.”

“I can’t it’s so hot.”

“I know. Go take a drink.”

A drink won’t help but she can’t sleep so Aidy climbs down the bunk bed and pads over to the kitchen.

Tatty and Mommy are up talking. Aidy pauses in the hallway.

“How does he even know that word Asher how? He’s fifteen. A kid!”

Tatty sighs. “He wanted that bein hazmanim trip so badly. He didn’t get over it yet.”

Tuli said a bad word? Which bad word? Aidy called Shoshana a stupid smelly meanie brat yesterday. Was the school going to expel her? She crouches on the floor and peeks into the kitchen. Mommy is stringing beads at the table. She’s always stringing jewelry for people. Aidy bites her nail.

“It wasn’t a normal request Asher. Come on you think all parents gave permission so easily? It’s not even just about money. Fifteen-year-old boys going away for three nights? I never heard of such a crazy idea in my life.”

“That’s not the point. He doesn’t want to feel different.”

“What so we should have let him go?”

“Maybe.”

“But that’s ridiculous! It was $500 for what?”

“It’s important. You want his friends to think he’s a rachmanus?”

Mommy puts down the necklace she’s beading and pushes back her chair. Aidy holds her breath.

“Asher?”

“Yeah?”

“We got a second cutoff notice today.”

Tatty makes a funny noise. “That’s… I hear.”

“Can we ask Shmuel for money again? We still owe him $1 000.”

“No. No we can’t ask Shmuel. I’ll figure it out don’t worry.” He drums his fingers on the table. “It’s— The truth is… we don’t have to worry about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“The electricity. It’s not my greatest fear right now.”

Mommy is quiet. Aidy tilts her head and squints. It’s hard to see Mommy’s face. “What are you afraid of?” Mommy asks her voice shaky.

Tatty stands up. “Sergio.”

The room seems to freeze and Aidy shivers. She knows Sergio. Sergio is the landlord. She doesn’t know what a landlord is really except that it must be a bad word — maybe the word Tuli used? — because every time Tatty says the word Mommy’s face turns white.

“We have ten days,” Tatty murmurs.

Mommy is quiet. Awfully, awfully quiet.

And suddenly Aidy can’t stand it any longer. She bounds up to Mommy and grabs her hands. “What’s going to happen in ten days?”

“Aidy!” Mommy cries. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s hot and ew in the room, and I need new pajamas for my sleepover with Huvi, these are torn and huge and scratchy, and where did Tuli disappear to?”

“Whoa, Aidy, you scared me. Calm down. What do you want to drink?”

“I said I’m not thirsty.”

“You said—” Mommy stops, pinches Aidy’s chin and looks into her eyes. “What’s the problem, sweetie?”

Aidy turns her head to Tatty, rubs Puppy’s good eye, and blinks. “I don’t like Sergio.”

Gittel claims it’s not a real sleepover, because Huvi is their downstairs neighbor, but she’s just being a grouch. She’s always grouchy. But Elky is happy for her.

“Are you going to stay up all night eating popcorn and whispering secrets?” Elky asks.

Aidy doesn’t even go upstairs to say hello when she comes home from school. She and Huvi rush straight to the playroom in the basement. Soon Huvi’s mother calls them for supper.

“Pepper steak,” Huvi grumbles. “I hate pepper steak.”

The meat glistens on Aidy’s plate, swirls of green pepper and filmy onion nestled between the tanned chunks. Aidy stares. Steak, on a regular weekday. How can Huvi not like steak?

“You— you’re not eating your meat?”

Huvi shrugs. “I don’t like it. It’s gooey.”

Supper in Huvi’s house is weird. Everyone eats at a different time, and Huvi’s mother doesn’t sit down, just floats in and out of the kitchen, talking on the phone.

The meat is sweet and peppery and soft on Aidy’s tongue. When there’s nothing left, she glances at Huvi’s plate. Huvi still hasn’t touched her food.

Aidy presses her lips together. “If you’re f’sure not eating it, Huvi, can I—”

There’s a knock on the door and Huvi’s mother gets it. Aidy looks up. It’s Gittel.

“My mother asked if she can borrow your vacuum cleaner,” she mumbles.

“Hey!” Aidy calls. “Hey, Gittel!”

Gittel twitches her lips. “Hi.”

“Gittel, they have pepper steak, and Huvi’s not even eating hers!”

“You like pepper steak?” Huvi’s mother asks.

Aidy nods vigorously. “Yeah, it’s really, really good. My mother usually makes macaroni or rice or potatoes for supper. I’m going to tell her to call you for this recipe.”

“Aidy,” Gittel hisses.

Aidy looks at her sister. Her face is bright red. Something is wrong with Gittel. Aidy even heard Mommy talking to Elky, telling her to try to get Gittel more into stuff, get her to smile.

When Huvi’s mother brings out the vacuum cleaner, Aidy stands up. “My mother says you’re a real tzadeikes that you always let us use your vacuum cleaner, ’cuz ours broke a long time ago and it costs a million dollars to fix.”

She barely sits down when she feels Gittel’s fingers dig into her skin. Aidy yelps. But before she can scream, “I’m going to tell on you!” Gittel slams the door and is gone.

Huvi giggles, but Aidy doesn’t see what’s funny and decides she doesn’t want any more pepper steak.

Huvi’s mother says they can stay up late. It’s fairyland. They eat popcorn and ices and play “Meatballs and Spaghetti” and try out funny hairdos in front of the mirror in Huvi’s room. It’s a real sleepover, no matter what Gittel says. After her shower, Aidy slips her uniform sweater back on over her pajamas. This is Tatty’s idea. “Tell Huvi you’re cold,” he had said. Tatty always has the best ideas.

It really is cold in Huvi’s room, so it’s not even a real lie. Huvi’s family has central, and there’s no fan on the ceiling. The linen is crisp and cool, the pillow a lake of feathers that Aidy’s head sinks into softly. She yawns.

Huvi pulls out a package of sour sticks. Really, Aidy never eats after brushing her teeth, and she doesn’t even like sour sticks, but this is a sleepover. You eat junk food in bed… and whisper secrets.

She wraps her hands around her knees. “You know, Huvi? My brother got kicked out of yeshivah.”

“Really?!” Huvi gasps, licking her fingers. “Why?”

“ ’Cuz he says dirty words.”

Huvi giggles. “Like?”

Clutching her pillow, Aidy leans over to Huvi’s bed. She cups a hand around Huvi’s ear. “Landlord,” she whispers.

“You’re such a liar. It’s not even a real word. And why are you wearing a sweater?”

She’s not a liar. “Because I’m very cold,” she says boldly, shivering in her quilt to prove her point.

Huvi’s mother comes into the room. “Good night, girls. No more talking.” She flicks off the lamp.

Suddenly Aidy misses her bed, misses the creak as Gittel turns, and she shivers again. Central really is cold.

“Landlord is a real word,” she says.

Her throat aches and she sticks her hand under her sweater to pick on the spot of Puppy’s missing eye. “And something is going to happen in seven days, and I’m not telling you what.”

“Snob.”

“Am not. ’Cuz you said I’m a liar.”

Sharing secrets is not even fun. And although it’s so perfectly cool and there are no shadows whirring overhead, Aidy can’t sleep.

The door of the boys’ room is locked.

Aidy knocks. Her briefcase is in there, on the desk, because the girls’ room doesn’t have a desk, so everyone does homework in the boys’ room.

No answer. She knocks again. “Hello, who’s in there? C’you please open the door?”

Looks like the door got jammed again. Aidy pulls a bobby pin out of her hair and sticks it into the keyhole. The knob turns easily and Aidy swings open the door.

Her briefcase is on the floor. She grabs it and starts to skip away, when a flash of color makes her twirl around. On his bed, earbuds stuffed in his ears, is Tuli. Aidy squints. He has a computer. He’s watching something. A… video?

“Tuli!” she cries.

Her brother jumps up, snaps the computer shut.

“Get out of here, you idiot!” His lips bend into his teeth, and he looks like a cat that’s really mad.

“Whose computer is that? And you just said a dirty word, and I’m going to tell on you!”

“Get o-u-t.” His lips stretch in a flat line, and his eyes become tiny and scary.

Aidy trembles. “Oh-k-kay.” She blinks rapidly, clutching her briefcase.

“And I dare you if you tell on me.”

She wants to run, but her legs feel like tree stumps and she can’t budge.

“Whasamatter?” Tuli growls. “Go!”

Not a cat — he looks like a lion. She takes a step, a tiny one. “Whose computer is it?” she asks. Her tongue is stiff and dry.

Tuli props his pillow against the wall and leans back into it. “Mine,” he says, sharply.

“Oh.”

“It’s mine, okay? And don’t think I asked Tatty for money. I bought it. It’s mine.” He hugs it to his chest like a baby.

Aidy copies him, with her briefcase. She’s not afraid of big brothers. “Does Tatty know about it?”

Tuli snarls. “None of your business.”

Nothing is her business. Not Mommy crying, not Tuli’s computer. Everyone thinks she’s a baby. It’s not fair. She’s eight. She’s not a stupid little girl. Puffing her chest, she turns to her brother. “Why are you being bad, Tuli? You make Mommy cry, you know?”

“Oh, really…?”

“Yes. And because of you, Sergio is going to come to our house on Sunday. That’s in four days. He’s going to come, and Mommy’s going to cry again, and it’s all your fault.”

Tuli explodes, like a bomb. He leaps off his bed and slams his hand down on the desk, an inch away from Aidy, and Aidy jumps back, dropping her briefcase. And then he shouts a word that makes Aidy’s skin go cold and her eyes pop out.

“Tuli!”

He snorts. “Now run and tell Mommy. Let me know if she cries, ’kay?”

Aidy doesn’t move, her mouth a frozen O that only lets air in and not out.

Tuli pats her back. “Gee, Aidy, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault, you’re just a kid. But maybe it’s better you hear it now so you don’t suffer. You gotta man up if you want to get anywhere. If you don’t fend for yourself, nobody will, and you should just know that. You wanna be the class pity, be a good girl and never complain. You wanna get somewhere in life? Get outta here.”

Aidy’s eyelids flutter wildly and Tuli’s words get all mixed up in her head. She stares.

“Come, kid. It’s fun. I’ll let you watch, just this once. And don’t worry, it’s G-rated.”

Aidy creases her forehead hard. Is it a story? Snow White?

But if Tuli said it’s none of her business, for sure Tatty doesn’t know about this, and it’s wrong to do something without Tatty’s permission. She shakes her head slowly, picks up her briefcase, and shuffles out of the boys’ room.

“Is it true that we’re poor?” Aidy asks Elky as they turn into Mrs. Schwartz’s block.

Elky sifts through the little boxes in her bag, looking for Mrs. Schwartz’s necklace. It’s fun to do deliveries with Elky. Mommy gives them a bunch of boxes with names on them, all the gorgeous jewelry she’s beaded all week, and Aidy goes with Elky every Sunday to deliver them. The ladies are nice and give Elky money.

“Why do you think we’re poor?” Elky asks.

Elky walks fast. Aidy skips to catch up with her. “We don’t have a car. Every family has a car.”

“Oh, we have a car, Aidy. You know that.”

“Right, but we never use it ’cuz it needs a new transition.”

Elky bursts out laughing. Aidy can’t figure out why. They arrive at the Schwartzes’ house, and Aidy sees two cars parked in the driveway. And there are the most prettiest flowers in the garden in front of the house, and Aidy’s family doesn’t have any flowers, and their house is ugly and they share it with two neighbors. It’s not a good family, her family. They’re for sure poor.

Mrs. Schwartz is sweet. She’s wearing a beautiful sheitel and tons of makeup, and Mommy never wears makeup, and it’s not even fun to go with Elky to do deliveries.

“You know today is the tenth day,” she tells Elky when Mrs. Schwartz closes the door.

Elky counts the money Mrs. Schwartz gave her and sticks it into her pocket. “Tenth day?”

“Yeah, and I have a secret.”

“Oh, I love secrets! Will you tell me?”

Aidy closes her eyes. “I don’t know if I’m allowed to.”

“Is it a bad thing?”

“I think so.”

Elky looks at her list of addresses. “Biderman,” she says to herself and starts rummaging in her bag again. “Why is it a bad thing?”

“Because I heard Tatty telling Mommy, and Mommy looked very scared.”

“Tell me, Aidy.”

Aidy presses her fingers into her palms. “I need to tell you in a secret, because I think it’s a bad word.”

Elky laughs and bends down. Quickly, Aidy whispers landlord, then covers her face shyly.

But now Elky isn’t laughing anymore. “You’re too little to know that word,” she tells Aidy.

Now Aidy is upset, because she really didn’t want to say a bad word and Elky made her.

The Biderman house has only one car and no garden. But they have roller blades and bikes and scooters in the yard, and Aidy sees the Hello Kitty bike with silver tassels that her little sister Sarala wants so badly.

“I want you to know, Aidy, that money is not an important thing. Tatty and Mommy work very hard to earn money, because you need it to buy food and stuff, but we don’t need money to be happy. We’re a very lucky family, and a lot of families that have a lot of money are not lucky at all.”

That makes no sense. If you have money, you’re rich, and then you can buy everything you want, so you’re lucky.

“Then why is Gittel always so grumpy? I don’t think she feels lucky. And Tuli says—”

Whoops. She was about to tell on him! And then he would— Aidy doesn’t know what he’d do, but she’s scared.

“Tuli says what?” Elky asks.

“Nothing.”

Elky shrugs.

After Biderman, they go to Kornreich, then to Sputz. Aidy’s feet hurt. Shemansky is next. Mrs. Shemansky is an old lady, and she gives Aidy a lollipop. “Your mommy is the nicest lady in the world, you know? A whole week I’m lonely, but then your mommy comes to visit me every Shabbos. And look at this necklace! It’s so beautiful. And your mommy doesn’t let me pay her!”

Aidy smiles broadly. Mommy is the best. But then she frowns. If Mommy doesn’t let Mrs. Shemansky pay, they won’t have money, and Sergio will come.

By the time they reach their block, Aidy can’t wait to eat supper and go to sleep.

But when she reaches her house, her mouth drops open. A bunch of big, scary looking men are walking in and out of their house, carrying boxes. Piles and piles of huge boxes line the curb, and Tatty is standing there, next to — the kitchen table?! — and talking very urgently on his cell phone.

And Mommy is crying.

Aidy remembers when the Hoffmans moved. A big moving truck had parked in front of their house early that morning, and for hours, the movers carried furniture and boxes from their house to the truck. Later, Fraidy Hoffman invited Aidy to visit her new house. It was tremendous and beautiful, and Fraidy had a bedroom all on her own with pink butterfly linen.

“When can I come see your new house?” Huvi asks Aidy every day in school. Huvi is not a good friend anymore. She’s mad that Aidy hadn’t told her she’s moving and doesn’t believe Aidy that she didn’t know until that day.

Aidy doesn’t know what to tell Huvi. The Klars live in Bubby Tescher’s house now. “For the meanwhile,” Mommy says, “until our new house is ready.”

Gittel tells Aidy not to be excited, because they’re going to move to a dungeon. Aidy wonders if dungeons are big and if they have pink butterfly linen.

Finally, after three weeks, they move.

The new house is new for Aidy’s family, but not new-new. In fact, it looks very old. And tiny.

“There’s only one bedroom, for all the children?”

Gittel rolls her eyes. “What did you think, Aidy? That we’re moving to the Vanderbilt Mansion?”

“Some of you will sleep in the dining room,” Mommy says. “We’ll set it up very nicely. It’s going to be really cozy and comfortable, you’ll see.”

“Cozy,” Tuli mimics, rolling his eyes.

Aidy watches him with horror. He’s going to be chutzpahdig now, she knows. Her eyes fly from Mommy to her brother.

“Cozy and comfortable,” Tuli continues, in a weird voice. “Well, I don’t care for cozy or comfortable, yeah? So you guys can have my bed — on the ceiling, ha — because I’m out of here.”

“Tuli!” Elky and Mommy cry at once.

Tuli makes a face and turns to the door.

But Aidy runs past him to the door and spreads her arms out to block him. “No!”

“Hey, kid, move.”

“No! You can’t just … go away. You’re part of our family!”

“It’s a stupid family, and I’m not living in this creepy place, thank you very much. Move!”

But Aidy is very strong, and she doesn’t budge. “If you leave us— ” Her heart pounds wildly.

“If I leave, yeah?”

“If you leave…” She lowers her voice. “Then I’m gonna tell on you. Okay?!”

Tuli explodes with laughter. “Go, Aidy, go tell Mommy, ’kay? Tell her what a bad boy I am. Tell her about aaaaall the boo-boos in your life. Maybe she’ll give you a Band-Aid. Or a tissue, if Band-Aids are too expensive.”

Aidy gasps.

“Our family is poor and nebach. Don’t get too comfortable in this new palace, kid, because next thing you know, we’ll get dumped out on the street again.”

Aidy stares at him, up and down. Slowly, she moves away from the door.

“Ha. So this is your fancy-shmancy, secret new house.”

Aidy jumps back. “Huvi! What are you — how did you get here?”

“Secret,” she says smugly.

She’s wearing a brand-new dress. It’s white, with a cute black thingie in the center, an elastic waistband, Gittel calls it.

“Are you going to run away from here?” Huvi asks.

“Run away?”

“Yeah, like your brother. My mother said he ran away because you have a crazy family.”

Aidy’s eyes open wide and before she realizes what she’s doing, her fist is a ball and she slams it into Huvi’s face. “Liar! Stupid smelly silly-head!”

Huvi’s hands fly to her face, but she laughs. “Ha, that didn’t even hurt. And I’m going to tell on you, ’cuz you called me names.”

Aidy sticks out her tongue and runs into her house.

Inside, she sniffs roast potatoes. Mommy tells her to have supper and they’ll do homework afterwards.

The potatoes are good. Yellow and crispy and buttery soft inside. Mommy is a really good cook, much better than Huvi’s mother. Mommy’s the best cook in the whole world.

After homework, it’s time to go to sleep. Aidy doesn’t have her own bed in this new small house. She shares her bed with Sarala, and they know how to do it. Aidy sleeps on the left side and Sarala on the right. She’s very small, Sarala, and she sleeps scrunched up, so Aidy doesn’t care that they share a bed. Sarala is cute anyway.

Gittel comes into the room to get her book. “Where does Tuli sleep?” Aidy asks her.

“I don’t know,” Gittel says, “but wherever it is, I’m sure it’s a better place than here.” Her lips twist, and she looks angry and miserable.

“You don’t like our new house.”

“Oh, I love it to pieces. It’s huge and airy and modern, and has a kidney-shaped pool in the backyard. I can’t wait to have my friends over for a grand tour.”

Aidy turns away and grabs Sarala’s hand. Sarala is half-asleep. “Our family is not crazy,” she says in a loud whisper. She squeezes Sarala’s hand tightly, then pats Puppy’s good eye and turns to the wall.

The new-old house smells the same as the old-old house on Friday. Cholent, apple pie, Mr. Clean. It even sounds the same, because Mommy always turns on Jewish Gems while the kids eat chicken soup. But it doesn’t look the same, not at all. Mommy looks awfully tired, and no matter how clean the floor is, it still looks dirty because it’s all scratched up and ripped.

Aidy blows her soup and eats.

“Stop slurping,” Gittel snaps. “It’s gross.”

“Gittel…” Mommy sighs.

The door is open and Tatty sits on the stoop, polishing his shoes. Polishing shoes is really Tuli’s job, but Tuli is gone, so Tatty does it himself. Tatty has to do a lot of things on his own now, because Tuli was always the family’s fixer man. Tuli is a good fixer man. In the old-old house he fixed the washing machine and the bathtub and the kitchen sink, many times. Stupid Tuli. Where is he?

Candlelighting takes forever that day. Mommy sways softly and Aidy waits and waits. They always read stories together after Mommy lights the candles.

When she’s finally done, Mommy’s eyes are red and watery. She kisses all the children, except Gittel, who won’t look up from her book.

“Let’s read,” Mommy says to Aidy.

Mommy is the best reader. She acts out the whole story like a play, and it’s Aidy’s favorite part of Shabbos.

Later, after Mommy davens, Tatty returns from shul. “Good Shabbos, Asher,” Mommy tells him. She smiles at him, but then her mouth drops open, and she blinks. “Tuli!”

There’s Tuli, just behind Tatty. He grins, halfway, almost as though he’s shy, which can’t be, because Tuli is never shy.

“Good Shabbos,” he mumbles.

Mommy smiles a ginormous smile, and soon everyone stands up for Kiddush. Aidy stares at Tatty, at Mommy, at all her sisters, and then at Tuli. The house smells of warm challos and delicious kugel, and they’re not a crazy family, they are not.

After the fish, Mommy tells Aidy to change into pajamas. It’s dark in the room where all the children sleep, and she gropes under her pillow. Her pajamas smell like pink roses tonight, from the April Fresh Downy Mommy uses. It’s a delicious smell, a Mommy smell, and next time Aidy has a sleepover — not with Huvi, she doesn’t like Huvi anymore, she’s not a good friend — she’ll wear these Puppy pajamas without a sweater. Because really, they’re the best pajamas in the world.

(Originally featured in FamilyFirst, Issue 553)