"A nd his brothers couldn’t answer him because they were frightened by his presence” (Bereishis 45:3).

The Midrash (Yalkut Vayigash 247: 152) quotes Rabi Shimon ben Elazar: “‘Woe is to us from the Day of Judgment woe is to us from the Day of Rebuke.’ Yosef was the youngest of the Shevatim and his brothers couldn’t answer him because they were scared of him. How much more so [will we be frightened] when Hashem will come and rebuke each one of us according to our actions.”

Where was the rebuke in Yosef’s words? He actually only said “I am Yosef is my father still alive?” We see that the essence of rebuke isn’t words of fiery mussar. Rather rebuke is making a person realize his mistake on his own and admit it.

By saying “I am Yosef ” Yosef showed his brothers that selling him as a slave was wrong. They’d hoped to nullify his dreams but instead they brought his dreams to fruition. Showing the error in a person’s calculations is the most powerful rebuke. (Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz Sichos Mussar)

I should’ve known as soon as I woke up what type of day it was going to be as soon as I opened the fridge and saw that the kids had left me a measly ounce of milk for my coffee. But instead perpetual optimist that I am I made myself a cuppa and took the first sip — then gagged and spit it out. The milk was spoiled.

Starting the day with no caffeine should’ve been warning enough. But no I had a huge list of things that had to be accomplished that day starting with a chocolate cake for Binyamin’s siyum tomorrow. Despite my caffeine withdrawal I actually hummed as I mixed and measured mentally complimenting myself on what a good mother I was.

Sliding the cake in the oven I began my next task — a double batch of meatballs for tonight’s supper and to freeze. But hey who bought matzah meal instead of bread crumbs? Well Pesachdig meatballs it’ll have to be.

A person may know that many of his actions aren’t correct but he justifies them with the belief that he’s doing them for a purpose. According to his opinion the justification permits the actions. But woe unto him when those same actions don’t bring him the purpose he’d hoped for. He’s left only with inappropriate actions which cause tremendous embarrassment.

As I deftly shaped balls and turned on the flame an explosion rocked the stove. Jumping backward I stared at the fire but it was under control. I opened the oven and almost hit the ceiling. Actually my cake did. Hit the ceiling of the oven I mean. I grabbed for my recipe. Ouch. It called for four teaspoons of baking powder not baking soda. I couldn’t even blame this one on the kids.

By then I was getting the day’s message: Crawl back into bed. Don’t even try to get anything done.

It didn’t surprise me when no one liked supper because the meatballs were hard as rocks. But I stubbornly froze the leftovers in a last-ditch attempt to prove I had accomplished something.

In actuality a person shouldn’t be thinking at all about the purpose of his actions. He’s supposed to do what’s expected of him and the results are exclusively up to Hashem. Whoever thinks that he’ll achieve certain results because of his actions fits the profile of “My strength and the might of my hand have accumulated this wealth for me.” (Devarim 8:17)

The gemara in Berachos (28b) quotes Rabi Nechunia ben Hakanah: “We toil and [non-Jews] toil. We toil and receive reward and they toil and don’t receive reward.” The reward for Torah and mitzvos is only based on the effort involved not on accomplishments.

“What was the point? I didn’t get a thing done today!” I wailed to my friend that evening.

“But you tried. Isn’t that worth something?”

Was it? It was so humbling to think that it didn’t matter if I actually produced a tasty cake or if supper was actually eaten.

I started the dishes focusing on this thought. I get points for washing dishes even though they’ll end up back in the sink. Repeating this mantra was surprisingly comforting. Patting myself on the back for trying even though the results were nowhere in sight.

“Mommy ” Avi wandered into the kitchen. “You know those quilts you hung outside this morning? It’s pouring.”

Got my point?

 

(Originally featured in Family First Issue 572)