That had scared Yonah. He’d taken to reciting Estee’s numerous positive attributes ever since then. And they really were numerous.

To start with, she was making dinner for his parents who were moving in the next day. She was just barely out of first-trimester nausea, and she was making their favorite stir-fry and her signature cabbage salad.

He watched her chopping cabbage and toasting almonds. He’d forgotten what it was like to have a wife who cooks. It was nice. Really, really nice.

“And how are you?”

He started. “What?”

Estee grinned. “I asked how Pinny was; now I want to know about you.”

Yonah felt a smile spread across his face. “Baruch Hashem. Pretty good.”

HE was still upset. She could tell. And truthfully, he had a right to be. He hadn’t meant to cause her pain; he hadn’t wanted to hurt her. He never did. He obviously hadn’t planned on her getting dehydrated. He’d just wanted to connect with old friends. She felt really bad that she’d made such a big deal about it, and she felt horrible that she’d just followed her mother blindly back to Lakewood.

It had been really strange that Mommy had just shown up in Boston. Maybe not out of character, but strange nonetheless. And she had been kind of conditioned to follow her mother blindly. Not that it was an excuse to walk away from her husband, but still.

She was supposed to be washing dishes but found herself checking her phone to see if Ayala had texted instead. It was almost becoming a nervous tic.

She hadn’t, of course. Estee, it seems, was just another part of the past few months that Ayala wanted to forget. Which didn’t feel great, but Estee had bigger things to worry about. Like figuring out what exactly went wrong with Ayala and Pinny and making sure it absolutely did not happen to her and Yonah.

It wouldn’t, right? She and Yonah were happy, and Ayala and Pinny had never been. But aside from that, what other guarantee did she have that they were different, that their bond was stronger?

Ayala had never sought out help… and neither had Estee.

Well, that was about to change.

After supper — Estee had fried up some onions for schnitzel sandwiches, and yes, the schnitzel was from her mother, but come on, it was the onions that put it over the top — Estee sat down at her computer, with the plan of drumming up photography business now that she was feeling back to herself.

But instead, she opened a Word doc and stared at the blank page. Who could she speak to about marriage?

Mommy she typed and then laughed. Nope.

Ma, Yonah’s mother? Yeah, no.

Morah Langer, high school principal? Too old-fashioned.

Rav Steinberg, seminary principal? Too cerebral.

She sat back. She had no one. No one to reach out to, no one who understood….

She closed the document, suddenly exhausted. She rubbed her eyes, pressing just a bit too hard, enjoying the pressure and the colors exploding across her lids. Wasn’t marriage supposed to mean that she’d never be lonely again? Apparently not….

That was the other thing about Pinny and Ayala separating — Estee now had no married friend who lived nearby. When the next Newlywed Neshei poster went up, she realized that she would have to attend the shiur herself. Maybe she would meet Yonah’s chavrusa’s wife there. She had been really sweet, but she didn’t know her well enough to want to go together with her.

Whatever. She’d dress her best and fake it ’til she made it, or whatever it was that people said to make themselves feel better about having no friends.

The shiur was great; Rebbetzin Weiss was amazing as always.

“Ladies, think back to a time when your spouse surprised you. In the best way. Hold on to that feeling the next time he does something that makes you think, ‘typical, it’s sooo typical that he disappoints me like this.’ And that’s when you bring up that memory. He surprised me once, he can do it again.”

Estee bit her lip, remembering Yonah showing up in Lakewood after a midnight drive from Boston…. She’d known deep down he’d come eventually. But it was still a surprise, that she meant enough to someone for them to follow her across state lines in the middle of the night.

Chaya Erlich turned around and smiled at Estee. “She’s so good, no?” she whispered.

Estee gave her a thumbs-up. She really was so good. She clearly understood this stage of marriage.

Wait….

She could reach out to her! Maybe Rebbetzin Weiss would agree to be her shanah rishonah mentor. But first, she would have to work up the courage to ask.

To be continued…

(Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 1039)